


Lover, Where Do You Live?

by Thesuncameout



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friendship, Interfaith Relationship, Multi, Religion, Romance, Turkey travels, Yousana, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-15 12:59:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11231502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thesuncameout/pseuds/Thesuncameout
Summary: When university student Sana Bakkoush goes on a trip to Turkey with her best friends, she meets a certain tour guide who's warm brown eyes, and floppy hair, captivate her. And suddenly her three week trip becomes something much much more.





	1. I Feel It Coming

**Author's Note:**

> So I was thinking about how Yousef is in Turkey atm, and then all of a sudden this idea popped into my head, and I WAS IN LOVE. So basically most of the problems of the show are the problems in this fic for Yousana, but I wanted to show it in a different way. Maybe a little bit more consistently lol. I spent way too long researching on Istanbul, so now I want to go there because it is honestly BEAUTIFUL. So if you are reading this, you've been there, and you notice an error, do tell me!  
> This is going to be wayyyyy too long, and I'm not sure when i'll be updating as this took me six years to write. So sorry if updates are inconsistent. 
> 
> Note: Title of the chapter is because I am surprisingly (not really) hearing the song on repeat, because Yousana feels.

 

"Oh my goodness this is _a-ma-zing_!" Vilde hollered as her luggage fell onto the wooden floors.

Sana smirked proudly, "See? I told you I'd find a nice place for us". The girls all paused at the doorway, taking in the beautiful villa. It was a two level house, with one bedroom in the lower level, while the other three were in the second level. Sana had purposely rented out a villa with one room on the ground level, as she knew Eva and Noora would want some privacy. Her legs turned all jittery in excitement as she observed her friend's reactions.

Noora, with her hand in Eva's whispered, "Sana. This place is actually so amazing! How did you even manage to get this with our budget?!".

Sana shrugged her shoulders confidently, lips quirked with a grin, "A magician never tells her secrets". The girls all turn towards her, giving their individual classic 'judging you' look with a tilt of the head.

Eva squealed excitedly, placing a warm kiss on her girlfriend's cheek, "Babe this is gonna be such an amazing trip, I feel it already!" Noora nodded quickly, clearly agreeing with her, "Yah plus it's so close to everything! The driver said that this area has so many amazing cafes and restaura-"

Sana placed a hand up, pausing Noora, "Okay okay. Yes we all know I'm an incredible planner, but can we please just put our stuff away? I'm dying to take a nice shower".  

                                                                                                     --

Sana let out a tired sigh as she dropped her luggage onto her room's floor. Before taking off her white hijab, she paused mid-air, not being able to help herself but admire the area. The room was pretty spacious. It had a bathroom with a beautifully tiled shower, and a bed that was so big and fluffy that Sana was already imagining how well she was going to sleep that night. The walls were a bright yellow, working with patterns of lively colours throughout the room. The bed was a dark blue, while the long drapes of the tall window flew in the breeze with its white clothe. Sana couldn't have been more proud of herself. They had been planning the trip for so long, and she wanted it to go perfectly. Perfectly meaning, she spent an entire month researching on the best and safest areas in Istanbul to live. Fatih had been one of the top places, and surprisingly she had found the villa with an affordable price. Her hands placed the pins of her hijab on the small black and white dresser, before closing the curtains that showed Istanbul at it’s finest.

This was gonna be a memorable trip, she just _knew_ it.

After taking a nice long shower, and changing into one of her long, full sleeve, breezy dresses, she padded down the stairs to see the girls all walking around in the kitchen, inspecting the place.

"I thought they'd have food" Vilde pouted, leaning her head against Chris' shoulder. Rolling her eyes, Sana muttered "Vilde? This isn't a hotel. We rented this place like a house so we have to get all the food for it too". She kept her voice a soft as possible, knowing Vilde. They had had their fair share of bad times as friends, being so disconnected from each other. But not going to the same school, and growing up in general, brought them so much closer than before as the time they spent together was more precious. She realized suddenly that she was hungry too, stomach grumbling quietly under her baby pink and white dress whilst she had gotten ready.

"How about," Noora clasped her hand with Eva's whose arm was around her shoulder, "we go walk around the neighbourhood? We have some money anyways and you said there were cafes. It's only the morning anyways". Before Sana could agree, Eva cut her off. With a smirk she mumbled, "Actually..I planned a surprise for us". They all perked their ears, standing up a little straighter at the words.

"You book us a place to eat?" Sana asked surprised. She couldn't help but be surprised that Eva had planned anything, since Sana was the one who always figured out things for the girls. It irritated her slightly.

Eva shook her head, eyes sparkling with excitement, "I..got us a guy".

" _A stripper_ ?!" Vilde hollered out in horror, hands slapping onto her lips. Eva turned towards her squinting with judgement, "Nei _, nei_ Vilde. I hired us a guy to _show_ us around town. So he'll drive us around, show us the best places to eat, make the travelling a little easier, etc." Vilde let out a sigh of relief, "Oh okay thank god". They all rolled their eyes.

"But" Sana paused, she bit her upper lip, not wanting to sound like she's whining, "I thought that we'd figure out the town together, you know?" Sana was annoyed slightly to say the least, the girls never had time together, what with university, jobs, and just life. This was their one time to hang out and do things together.

Eva nodded, as if she knew Sana would say that, "I know, I know you like doing the planning,  and I know you want us to do this all together, but it'll be so nice! He’ll make the navigation of the area so much easier. And and aaand, he speaks norwegian! How cool! Plus, my friend said he's a nice guy".

"He's a guy too?!" She asked incredulously. On top of now having another person with them everywhere, the person was a _guy_? They already had to face their fair share of annoyances from that gender back home.

"Sana don't worry" Noora said calmly. She walked towards Sana, taking her hand into her's. "Let's just go with it okay? And if you really don't like him, I'll make Eva cancel the whole thing. Okay?" She quirked her one eyebrow up, head ducking down to look at Sana. With a sigh of defeat, Sana crossed her arms over her chest, "Okay fine. But if he starts being annoying- or _I swear_ if he's the mansplaining type, he's gone".

Eva nodded, "Hundred percent".

Clenching her jaw, and thinking out the idea, Sana spoke, “Then it’s fine with me. But I’m just saying right now, he better be amazing if he’s going to be around us all the time”. Eva nodded excitedly, “Don’t worry, honestly! He seems really ki-” her phone buzzed, as looked down at the screen, “Look at that, he’s waiting for us outside”. Vilde dashed by them, stopping at the large window of the living room. Jaw dropping, she squealed, “Oh my god the car is so cute! But I can’t see him”.

“Let’s get our stuff and go then”, Eva clapped her hands impatiently, as the girls collected their bags. And as Sana packed her small backpack hastily, she wondered if she should've ever agreed to having a tour guy. What if he was an asshole? Wait, she should have had pepper spray with her?? The panic-driven mind of her’s started snowballing the many possible outcomes of this mysterious man, and for Sana, none of the ends were very delightful. They skipped down the steps of the villa, Sana behind Eva and Noora with Chris, who whispered to her, “What if he’s creepy?” She nodded back, only increasing her anxiety. “That’s what I’m saying?!” she whispered back loudly. The sun shone brightly on the fall morning, instantly erasing all grogginess from Sana. She stopped beside the girls, hands pulling the strap of her black backpack up and down. The car stood in front of them. It was old, most likely one of those vintage cars that Sana had noticed were coming back on the roads more and more. The man wasn’t even waiting for them? How unprofessional. Sana opened her mouth to start spatting out her already list of faults, but was cut off as a soft voice spoke behind her.

“Hi”. She turned around, about to yell at the tour guide for being late, but was left dumbfound.

_Good god he was gorgeous._

Sana had been expecting some middle-aged man, with a slightly white beard to be their guide. In no way had she imagined to see someone so bloody... _captivating_. He was most likely their age, or slightly older. Wearing a pair of black shorts that went right above his knees, along with a white sneakers, and a buttoned up breezy shirt that looked vaguely the same colour as.. Sana shot her head down to her own dress, stomach dropping as she saw the identical baby pink colour on the patterns of the material. Gulping awkwardly, she looked up, only to be stunned once again, as he was staring at her. And it made her breathless.

It wasn’t like how people usually do, you know, with the stolen glances, or side ones. No, he was full on, like _ogling_ at her, mouth slightly faltered open.

“Hi” he repeated breathlessly, voice much more vibrant than the first time. He stepped forward, eyes still on her as he reached a hand out. There were two things Sana could do; one, she could panic and run back into the hotel because she was all flustered and hide in a corner, or she could act like the mature adult she wished she was and shake his hand (how could his hand also look so attractive?!). Body freezing for a split moment, she cleared her throat before lending her hand out to him.

_Stay cool Bakkoush, stay cool._

Sana wasn’t the cheesy type to say those cliche phrases. No, she was a practical woman.

But when their hands met, there was electricity.

Not the small spark or flickering one, it was a fucking _watt_ of electricity, and it shaked her right to her core. Hands staying in his for a moment too long, she clumsily shot her arm back, scratching the back of her head. Suddenly the buzzing of his damn beauty faded, as she turned towards her friends. Eva and Noora on her one side, were pursing their lips in an attempt to conceal their shit eating grins. While Vilde and Chris both had their mouths dropped wide open, as they followed Sana’s every movement.

Act cool, _act cool dammit_ , she chanted to herself. Coughing to gain their attention, she turned back to the man, whose gaze was yet again fixated on Sana.

_Those eyes..._

“Hello” she had hoped that the word would leave her voice box all cool and composed, but all she could hear was a loud squeak.

“Hi” he repeated with a laugh, hand going behind his neck and scratching his hair in giddiness. Oh did she forget to mention his hair? Yah, it was a _fucking piece of art._ He had that kind of haircut that could only work on one individual, and would look awful on others. To say the least, his hair was damn unique. It was cut very short all around, except for the top and side of his head, creating these two adorable flops of dark brown hair. They curled against his flat forehead, probably from the humidity. And while Sana nudged Eva who was beside her to speak, she attempted to suppress her urge to run her fingers through the beautiful curls. He snapped his gaze towards Eva, instantly shifting in look. With lengthened shoulders, he brought a hand out towards her.

“Hi, You must be Eva”.

Sana noticed the slight Turkish accent in his Norwegian, while she also noticed the way that she was _incredibly_ attracted to it. “It’s Yousef by the way”, he mentioned as he shook her hand. “Eva, nice to meet you” she replied with a warm smile. One by one, he shook a hand of each girl, introducing himself kindly to each. And then his eyes landed on Sana again.

For some reason, like the previous moment, he took a slight step further than necessary towards her, hand extending once again. But Sana readied herself that time. With a deep breath, she slid her hand into his, “Sana” she stated, voice oozing with coldness. She noticed the slight falter in his expression, clearly he got the chilliness. “Yousef” he replied back, taking a step back in his spot. Moving his gaze to Chris and Vilde, on Sana’s right, he brought his hands together.

“So sorry ladies for the wait, I was booking a spot for us in a cafe” he said with a embarrassed smile. Damn, she already loved it.

“For breakfast?” Noora asked excitedly. He nodded, “Oh yes. This cafe has been in Istanbul for many years. And it’s very famous. They honestly have the best, authentic, Turkish breakfast in all of this area, you guys will love it”. There was a certain passion in his voice, that Sana found fascinating.

Vilde clapped her hands together, grabbing Chris’ hand, “Then take us, Yousef. I am starving”.

“Me too” Eva chuckled as they gathered around the car. There was a moment where the girls all looked directly at Sana, smirking as they pointed towards to front seat. She glared back at Chris who was chuckling, as she hurried into the backseat before any of them could do otherwise. Yousef started the car, turning the dial of the radio on. “Let’s go ladies”, he yelled as the girls all hooted around Sana.

This was definitely going to be an interesting trip.

                                                                                                        --

Sometimes in life, you feel like you will explode from emotions, from hurt. Sometimes you feel like you will explode from happiness, or sheer frustration. But then there were sometimes that a person felt like they were going to explode because of how damn full they were. That was Sana in that cute cafe. Not remembering how sensitive her stomach was, she had scarfed down two whole plates of the delicate cheeses and breads they had served. She was so hungry to the point that she didn't even give a rat’s ass of the horrified looks of the people around her who silently judged her for somehow eating so much.

“Full?”, she heard from her side. Sana, who was lying lazily in her chair, shot up, smoothing down her dress. “Huh?” she said, trying to act as nonchalant as possible. Yousef sipped his black tea, eyes veering away from her face to linger on her dangling hoop earrings.

“You seem full”, he muttered again as Noora and Eva got up to get some kashkaval. Uhg, they were actually inseparable. And Sana loved it, she admired it a lot too. Chris and Vilde had gone up to the front counter, wanting to buy some bottles of drinks for the day. They just _had_ to leave her alone with him, cunning bastards.

Pretending to not feel her stomach about to burst, she responded with a nervous laugh, “Yah. Yah a little”.

“It’s okay, I do that sometimes too” he responded quietly, leaning forward in his seat from across her. She had never been more glad for a table in her life.

_Don’t._

_Do. Not._

_Do not flirt back Sana Bakkoush._

_Do-_

“It doesn’t show” she blurted out, instantly regretting the words. Her eyes widened, mouth fumbling to find a few spare words to make her seem uninterested. Yousef, so faintly that if she wasn’t staring she wouldn’t have even noticed, quirked his eyebrow up, cup freezing mid air. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it, lips spreading into a smile as he watched her.

“Oh, uh. Well..thank you” he mumbled, about to continue, but getting cut off as Noora dropped back in her seat.

Sana would have to thank her a million times for that later.

Noora turned towards her, doing a double take as a knowing smile erupted on her lips.

Never mind, Sana hated her.

Without moving her gaze away from Sana, she spoke “So Yousef”, he perked up, “what have you planned for us today”. And Sana didn’t miss the traitor’s wink.

                                                                                                        --

Turns out he was damn good at his job. Yousef showed them such breathtaking parts of Fatih, even the parts that Sana hadn’t been able to find in her thorough research. What was worse was that he didn’t overstate the vast amount of knowledge he clearly had of the city. He was just so... _smooth_. Somehow in three days he had figured out what the girls liked and disliked in food and environments, and found them the best of best places to spend the day.

And every time she couldn’t find a fault in them. She couldn’t find a fault in him.

He was oddly so well built (not physically, but _hey_ she wasn’t going to lie that that was also a truth) in all matters, that it boggled Sana’s mind.

Yousef was, unfortunately a kind, sweet, and adorable guy. And Sana hated it.

For the life of her, in the first three days of being in Istanbul, she had spent countless moments attempting to build a flaw of his that she could snowball into something way worse. Why? Why was she doing this?

Sana didn’t want those feelings. Because she knew those feeling would lead to a relationship, and that was something she wasn’t ready for. She was still finishing university, and she had seen how relationships had taken a toll on the people she loved the most. They lead to pain, hardship, and an unnecessary amount of anxiety. So she kept her icy guard up, every time he’d approach her. It wasn’t too hard to intimidate him, Sana had done it quite a few times in her lifetime.

But every time she would say something, it would take all her willpower to not blurt out an apology, as he winced at her harsh words. She felt bad, of course she did, he was a good person. But Sana knew that that ‘he’s nice’ could snowball into something into much more tangled and messy all too quickly.

Overtime, he distanced himself from her, always sitting beside Vilde or Chris (not Noora and Eva, because those two would be making out half the time or flirting adorably with each other) when they would stop at different places in the city. What was worse was that she didn’t want him to be disant. As if he should somehow be near her, but far from her. -It was all too confusing, and too stressful for Sana.

Sana cursed herself as she turned the tap of the shower on. She had almost forgot the sole reason that she had even wanted to come to Turkey; the mosques. Growing up, her little brown eyes would eye the many pictures of her father’s trips in Turkey, the breathtaking mosques standing out every time. Over the years her admiration, turned into a personal goal that she had vowed to herself to fulfill. With her tiny hands, she hand written down on a paper that one day she would go see all of the beautiful mosques of the country, keeping the note with her all those years. How could she have forgotten it? They had been in Istanbul for four days now, she had to go that day.

Finishing her warm shower, she changed into a long blue skirt, tucking her white shirt into the hem of it. Looking in the mirror, and feeling content with the look, she jumped down the stairs to see the girls all eating in front of the tv. Curiously Sana walked over to the couch, eyes watching as the girls kept their features glued to the tv. Licking her lips impatiently she mutter, “Hello?” from behind them, getting no response. Sana rolled her eyes, annoyed. She had told them multiple times that having a tv in the house was stupid, as no one would pay attention to each other.

“Hello?!” she repeated louder, feeling them snap out of their attentive stares.

“Huh?” Vilde mumbled, turning in her seat towards Sana. At least some one heard her.

“I’m going to the mosque okay? I’ll be back in a bit” Vilde just nodded, before snapping her head back to the tv that was playing Finding Nemo. What nerds.

                                                                                                        --

The Blue Mosque.

Sana had heard of it quite a lot growing up. And as someone who loved travelling, the thought of seeing the building excited her. Her head tilted back as she took in the scenery of the grand area. It was stunning. The mosque had a large courtyard, where all the tourists were hurdled up, taking pictures. She wouldn’t do that no, she wasn’t there to be a tourist, but just a person who is fascinated by the intricacies of her faith. Finding a new mosque was one of the most exciting things ever for her. She got to see new people loving Islam as much as her, as they prayed in peace. Not for anything selfish, but because they truly believed in the religion, and they loved it. Sana slipped her white sneakers off, placing them on a shelf clustered with sandals. This was it. The moment she had been waiting for for _so_ long was coming true, she’d finally pray in the Blue Mosque.

She took a deep breath, head clear, and bright smile on her face, as she stepped inside.

                                                                                                         --

It was almost fictitious. There were many images on Google that Sana had skimmed through growing up, of the mosque. But they didn’t do even a percent of justice to the beauty she had just witnessed. She felt so light...so free.This had been an amazing day. Her teeth bit into her bottom lip as she walked up the stairs of villa, opening the front door with her key.

Big mistake.

When her eyes adjusted to light in the living room, her gaze landed upon Yousef. He was sitting on the ground in a circle with the girls, adorable smile slathered on his face.

Damn his beautiful face. It had been easy to be mean, but it wasn’t easy keeping her eyes off him. _He was everywhere._ No matter how much she kept herself away, he’d always end up beside her. Whether it was in the car, at a restaurant, a museum. Maybe it was just meant to be..

Her burning gaze must’ve been noticeable, because right when she was staring at the spot where his hair curled onto his forehead, he looked up at her. His face stayed straight for a second, eyes scanning down her, before springing into a breathtaking grin. “Hi there” he laughed out, making the girls turn around. They all brightened instantly, as they saw Sana. Vilde sprung up from her spot on the ground, taking Sana’s bag from her. “How was it?” she asked excitedly, as Noora walked up to her with a glass of water. They had actually listened when she talked about the mosques. Her heart squeezed.

Saying a soft thank you, and gulping down the cold water, she sighed.

“It was beautiful” she let out with a ecstatic smile as she spoke. Vilde cheered, clapping her hands together, “Aw I’m glad! You’ve been waiting for this for so long!” Sana’s heart warmed up at her loving words. _God_ she was glad that they had become so close. Sometimes she wondered how they had gotten to such a bad place in school, when all they had to do is talk. She winced internally, Sana wasn’t the greatest at communicating her feelings... Hugging Vilde from the side, she quirked her eyebrows, “Wait why are you guys here? I thought we were suppose to go to that one exhibit?”

“It’s going to rain today, really hard” Yousef said from his spot, hands throwing a small silver ring up and down. His gaze remained on her for a moment too long, before Eva cleared her throat.

“So-” Sana muttered, blinking out her daze, “what are we doing then?” In all honesty she was glad that they were just staying in, going out every day had become so tiring for her introverted self. Vilde pulled her by the arm towards the group’s circle, where Chris sat between Yousef and Eva, with Noora obviously sitting beside her girlfriend.

“Sit, sit!” Chris said, chin pointing at the spot beside Yousef. In panic mode, she froze for a minute as she caught his eyes again. _Nope nope nope._ She was not sitting beside him.

Smiling at Chris, she pointed towards the spot beside Noora, “I think I’ll just sit there” she muttered.

“Suit yourself..” Yousef mumbled, eyes on the ground. Wait. Was he..mad? Annoyed?

Sana had almost forgotten that he could get mad, as he always was so cheery.

Sitting down and getting a squeeze of the hand by Noora, Vilde pointed to Yousef, “Okay explain to her”.

Great, she had to look at him.

Sana inhaled deeply, forcing a smile on her face. Yousef, who watched her, started speaking, “Okay this game is called Cicoz, which I guess-in English is called Ring Game”, Sana felt her ears tingle hearing him say two words in English. His mix of Turkish and Norwegian accent made the words evermore fascinating to hear.

“So one person sits in the middle of the circle and they are the guesser. One person around the circle has the ring in their hand, and we all extend our hands on our either sides, then we hold hands with the two people beside us. And the person who has the ring, has to pass it on to someone else without the ‘it’ person knowing. But if the middle person, by looking at facial expressions, says the right name of the person who has gotten the ring, they switch places with the holder of the ring” he paused, nodding at her, “you understand?” She nodded back. Seemed pretty simple, pretty safe. She could do this.

“Okay then” he said excitedly, clapping his long hands together, “who wants to be the middle person?”

“Me!” Chris yelled, raising her hand. She got up and turned around with her back facing them, “I closed my eyes! Do your thing!” After a moment, Yousef widened his eyes, pointing at Vilde who neared him to make the circle smaller. Quietly he gave her the ring, mouthing an “okay?”, to which she nodded confidently. “Okay Chris” he yelled, “you can come sit in the middle”. With an excited squeal, Chris jumped into the middle of the circle, sweeping her beautiful white and yellow skirt under her. “Okay...go!”

They all awkwardly watched Yousef’s actions, mirroring the way he placed his fists out to his sides, face instantly going blank. He was good. He lengthened out his (very toned) arms, hands hovering by Vilde and Eva’s. With a nod, they held hands quickly as Chris turned in her spot, shit eating grin spread upon her beautiful face. “Hmm..” she mumbled, stroking her imaginary beard. They all pulled back their individual hands, faces turning monotones. She paused her movements when she faced Noora. Sana couldn’t help but laugh as Chris contorted her face so adorably as she instigated Noora. “Noora?” she said as if a teacher, “Chris?” Noora imitated. Chris neared her face to Noora with squinted eyes, before flipping around suddenly, pointing an accusing finger at Vilde who had her eyes opened wide in panic. “ _Aha_!” she hollered out, “It’s Vilde!” Yousef let out a cheer as Vilde pouted in annoyance. “H-how did you know?” she asked defeatedly as she dropped the ring in Chris’ hand. With a proud smirk, Chris replied, “I’m psychic”. They all looked at her questioningly before she added sheepishly, “Uhh- I kind of...saw the ring because it was reflecting off of the lights..”

“Hey!!” Vilde cried out, crossing her arms as she looked at Yousef, “That’s not fair right?”

Yousef raised his hands up defensively, “I didn’t make the rules, sorry Vilde”. She clenched her jaw with a small whine, before getting up and muttering “I hate this stupid game…”

                                                                                                                 --

They played for a while, laughing loudly as each person guessed. Vilde got her’s right, it was in Eva’s hands. But then Eva lost once, before guessing it right, being in Yousef’s.

Everything was going fine, up until the point that the circle had been shuffled around so much, that Yousef had to sit right next to her after he won. “Okay my eyes are closed!” Noora said with a blushing smile, hands covering her eyes. Eva looked at Sana, holding the ring out. No, no, no, _no_. But before she could protest, Eva dropped the ring in her hand. Now, Sana had two choices, pass the ring to Chris on her one side or pass it to Yousef on her other side.

It was hard to focus, as Yousef’s cologne came in contact with her senses.

He smelled like the air after it rained, filled with dewy petrichor, and _fuck_ , it was startlingly good. Hesitantly, she turned to Yousef, face too close to his. “I’ll pass it to you” she mouthed. And her heart almost leaped out of her chest, as his gaze dashed down to her lips in order to read her words.

_I am cool._

_This is fine._

With a slight nod, Eva said, “okay open your eyes Noora!”. They all clasped their hands together, as Noora turned quickly in her seat. “I’m watching..” she sang with a snicker.

And then it happened, _again_.

Her hand curled into his. They were warm and inviting, and Sana hated the way that she felt like the feeling of his touch was something she could get used to.

Then it got worse.

His thumb, when she uncurled her hand with the ring in it into his hand, brushed _oh so_ softly against her knuckles, causing goosebumps to erupt all over her body.

_I am not cool._

_This is not fine._

In panic, she felt the ring slip out of her clutch before he could grab it, and it dropped with a _ping_ onto the floor.

“Oh!!!!” Noora cheered, clapping her hands together. She looked between the two questioningly “wait, who had the ring?” Sana opened her mouth to speak but was cut off.

“I-it was me” he said with a forced laugh, raising his hand up.

What was he doing? Sana turned to him, eyebrows quirked up in surprise.

And as he turned to meet her gaze, he gave her a heart... _melting_ smile, closing his eyes as if to say “I’ll take on for the team”. Noora cocked her head back in surprise as she spoke, “I thought it was..” she paused, as she looked at Sana before smiling knowingly, “Uh-nevermind. Yousef?” He nodded, getting up to sit in the middle.

 _No no no_ , she hollered in her brain. The palpation of her heart quickened, skin flushing with heat.

_It was happening._

It was happening as he met her gaze in the middle of the circle. As he stole a few glances at her in his turn. As he brushed an arm against her’s whilst sitting down beside her. And it was happening, as he spoke a little too softly as they all drank coffee on the group while telling embarrassing stories _. Fy faen_ she felt it as he whispered her name faintly when bid them a goodbye.

Great. _Juuuust great._

Sana Bakkoush was starting to like Yousef Acar.

And when she turned around after he left, and saw the girls who were individually giving her a cheeky smile, she realized they knew too. Was she that obvious?

Great. _Juuuust great._

 

 


	2. So Take My Hand and I'll Take You Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part one of two, because I forgot something in the second half, so I splitted it into two chunks. I'll put the other half up soon :-)

The door of her room opened, as Sana looked up from her book. A smile sprung on her face. 

“Hey you!” Vilde cheered, walking up to Sana’s bed. Sana placed her book down on the night table, before moving to make space for her weirdly pumped up friend. Vilde laughed quietly as she climbed into the bed, throwing the soft blanket over herself as she curled close to Sana.

“What brings you here?” Sana asked, resting her forehead against Vilde’s. Vilde looked up to her, guilty smile ridden on her face. “Vilde?” Sana sang nervously. 

Oh god Sana already knew what she was going to say. She thought she had heard them talking about it that afternoon, but she assumed her ears were deceiving her. 

Vilde bit her bottom lip, as she spoke carefully with her arm curled around Sana’s, “Look Sana, don’t be mad..” 

Yup, the worst was going to happen, great.

“But we invited Yousef for dinner today”. Sana sprung up from her spot, turning to face Vilde, “What,  _ today _ ?! Like, right now?!” she asked incredulously. 

This could not be happening to her. Vilde placed a hand on Sana’s cheek, “I know, I know you’re avoiding him but-” she paused looking at Sana defeatedly, “the guy is so kind Sana. And we all feel bad. He is so sweet and he’s always doing more than necessary for us. Shouldn’t we do this, out of common courtesy?” her eyes widened pleadingly. 

Damn Vilde, her considerate intelligent brain, and her puppy eyes. Sana groaned, stuffing her face in the blanket before popping back up, “Well you guys could have warned me! Now how am I going to avoid him?!” she whined. In the back of her mind, she understood that her behaviour was incredibly  childish, but that was her last resort in the moment of panic. Vilde nodded closing her eyes, “Relax..I’ll help okay! W-we’ll all make sure that you don’t have to talk to him” she grabbed Sana’s hand gently, “I promise”. Contemplating for a minute, Sana hesitated before sighing, “Okay fine-but you have to be by my side the entire time”, her index finger pointed threateningly at Vilde, who raised her hands up defensively. “Yes, yes I promise. Are you fine then?” Vilde froze in her movements, impatiently watching Sana for her response. 

How bad could it go? 

Sana’s brown eyes rolled back, while she muttered a “Yes”. She was suddenly enveloped in a tight hug by Vilde, who squealed, “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you!” 

“I love you too” she mumbled with a laugh. Suddenly from her peripheral vision, the girls popped out from behind the door of Sana’s room. 

“Did you convince her?” Chris asked nervously, her body hidden behind the wooden doorway. Vilde nodded with a bright grin, as the girls ran into the room cheering. 

“Thank you Sana!” Noora hollered, as they all squashed Sana with a wind-knocker hug. “Okay, okay” Sana muttered, pushing off their arms. She could manage an evening if it meant seeing the girls happy. Anything for them.

They all rose from the mattress, as Vilde turned around to face Sana. Her arms stuck to her sides awkwardly as she spoke, “Uhh, one more thing”

Sana groaned, “What?”. Vilde looked to her side at Eva, all of them suddenly looking guilty. “We uh-” she scratched her forehead, “He asked if his friends could come..so we said yes” her voice was as quiet as she could possibly make it. Sana glared at them, before motioning them to leave her alone, “I hate you guys” she muttered.

“But we love you!” Noora laughed out as they ran into their respective rooms. 

                                                                                ---

The whole downstairs air flooded with the delicious smell of Noora’s cooking. She, along with Eva planned to make fish chermoula, one of Sana’s favourite dishes. Damn them and their sharp memories. Sana attempted to stay passive aggressively annoyed at them, making some sarcastic remarks as they all gathered the dishes for the table. But she recalled the fact that that was one of their few weeks together, and holding a grudge on them wouldn’t make the trip anymore precious or memorable.

“How many are coming?” Sana asked Vilde, placing the last glass down on the dining table. Vilde tilted her head up to the ceiling, counting in her head from memory. “Uh, from what I remember him saying, I think it’s just 4. Why?” she walked with Sana to the kitchen, leaning against the counter. They both glanced at Eva and Noora, who were discussing something between loud laughs. Sana shrugged, “Just curious”. Vilde watched her with disbelieving eyes before stepping to the spot beside Sana, “Don’t worry okay?” she mumbled, rubbing Sana’s shoulder gently. Chris suddenly rushed into the room, hair out in all of it’s beautiful glory. “Guys, guys, guys!” she announced, moving her hands theatrically, “I think they’re here!”. 

Sana rose from her slouched stance, smiling nervously. The night couldn’t go too bad..right?

                                                                            ---        

Sana heard the door open from the kitchen, loud voices echoing into the living area. There was a few minutes of Chris bantering with them, before she let them inside. 

“Come, come!” she cheered. 

This was it. Sana rolled her shoulders back, nerves all racked up. Noora glanced at her knowingly for a moment, before taking her hand. “Come on”, she mumbled softly.

There were four of them, all as handsome as the other. Most likely they were Yousef’s age. One of them, who wore a lengthy sweater, with long jet black hair, walked up to Chris, warm smile nearing her. 

“Hi” he mumbled, placing his hand forward. Sana’s eyes widened excitedly as she turned to Noora who mirrored her actions. 

Chris, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, nervously took his hand, shaking it for a moment too long. “Hi” she responded with a slight blush (oh the girls  _ knew _ that blush) flushing plump cheeks. They froze as they realized everyone was watching them, before they simultaneously cleared their throats awkwardly. “I-I’m Chris” she stammered out.  _ God _ , it was a treat to see the confident Chris all flustered. He nodded warmly, responding smoothly, “Mutta”. Sana grabbed Noora’s hand, “Oh my god it’s  _ happening _ !” Sana squeaked out. And suddenly while reverting her eyes back to the adorably awkward two, they froze on a particular figure whose gaze met her’s. Yousef leaned his head back against the wall, lips forming a small small as he watched her. 

“Yousef” he snapped from his daze, standing up to listen to Mutta. “Hmm?” he responded, body attempting to collect itself. 

“Y-you never told me these ladies are so beautiful” Mutta mumbled, eyes staying on Chris, who looked like she might just start giggling like a four year-old. It was adorable. Yousef nodded, looking between the two with a slight smirk. He coughed to grab their attention before introducing the boys to the girls. There was him, Adam, Mikael, and Mutta. 

“Okay!” Noora said with a clap of the hands from beside Sana, “Let’s get eating!” The boys all placed their jackets on the coat-rack, before introducing themselves to each of the girls. The boy named Mikael, scanned Sana’s face, before a sudden smirk appeared on his lips, “Are..you by chance Sana?” he asked with a laugh. She furrowed her eyebrows, “Uh, yes?” she kept her voice steady. He was looking at her as if her answer confirmed his suspicions, as he turned to look at Yousef, before looking back at her with a wicked grin, “Lovely”, he said, chuckling while walking away. In the midst of disarray, she failed to notice a figure walked up to her. She blinked as they tapped her shoulder.

Oh great. 

Yousef surveyed her dress up and down with a quick glance, before smiling brightly at her. “Hi” he uttered gently, as if creating the softness in his tone just for her. His feet brought him closer to her, as she watched his tall stature edge near her. 

“Hi” she replied, gulping. Stepping back in order to create a breathable amount of space between them, she asked him curiously, “Hey how does..” she paused searching for his name in her head, “Mikael, know me?”. 

Yousef’s eyes widened suddenly in panic, as he froze. A series of expressions flashed on his face, from pure terror, to embarrassment, to anger, then to a defeated sigh. Hand scratching the nape of his neck, he let out a chuckle. “I would lie, but I feel like it’s best to be up front about this”. He lengthened his stance, as if preparing for his words, while staring right into her eyes. “Okay. I’ll just say it I guess? I uh-I talked about you in front of the guys”. 

Oh. 

Snaa hadn’t expected him to be that blunt, being clear by her reaction. She cocked her head back slightly at the words, mouth faltering open. “Oh” was all she managed out of her mouth while keeping his heated gaze, before Vilde grabbed her by the arm. The grab was like a jolt out of a hazy dream.   
“Sorry, sorry!” Vilde whispered to Sana while they fast-walked to the table, “I forgot that he was there”. 

Sana, flustered and still stunned by the revelation, only looked behind her to see Yousef watching her still in his spot. 

“Uh n-no it’s fine” she fakely laughed turning around, attempting to collect herself whilst sitting in her chair. 

He talked about her in front of them? Why? And what  _ made _ him have to bring her up in a discussion?

Questions spiralled into the theories, and theories spiralled into false assumptions. While Sana smiled all calm and collected at the dinner table as they ate, her mind was a chaotic string of snowballing thoughts. Once the delicious meal was over, the boys all expressed their admiration for Noora’s cooking, thanking them for the memorable meal. 

They were all kind, the boys, just like him. Out of all of them, Yousef actually seemed to be the most reserved. Mikael and Adam, the adorable couple, were quite polar opposites, Adam being a more artistic individual while Mikael was more of an analytical. Mutta on the other hand, she did not really get to observe, as his attention, words, and eyes were only and only on Chris. They had sat on opposite sides of the table, most likely in order to watch each other. They exchanged soft small sentences that somehow made Chris blush like a tomato, and it was cute. Sana was overjoyed by the prospective of Chris finding a boyfriend. Of course she didn’t need one, but Sana and the girls all knew of the longing looks she’d give couples passing by. She wanted that bond more than anyone. 

Sana thankfully, was able to narrow all her attention on to them, as she observed them with Noora, who giggled with her. 

But of course things had to go difficult for her. Yousef,  _ boy _ was he persistent, kept his eyes on her the entire dinner. While responding half-heartedly with a forced smile to whatever was being discussed at the table, he struggled to gain Sana’s attention. Well, that of what he knew. Because while Sana pretended to be engaged in teasing of Chris and Mutta, her peripheral vision couldn’t help but be narrowing on his figure. 

“Okay who wants coffee!” Eva asked, gathering the plates while standing up. Mikael stood up with an enthusiastic nod, “I’ll help out. Anyways, I am very keen on how I like to drink coffee”. 

“ _ Very _ keen” Adam muttered into his hand, as Mikael glared down at him. “Thanks for that babe” Mikael laughed fakely, as he, Eva, Noora and Adam walked to the kitchen. Meanwhile, Sana smirked as she observed the clear flirting that was the interaction between Chris and Mutta. She had never seen her friend blush  _ so _ much before. It was like her just talking to him was making Chris glow so brightly. They were so caught up in their conversation that it seemed as if they were in their own little universe, hands growing closer to each other. Sana stood up from her seat, tapping Vilde’s shoulder. 

“They’re basically made for each other” she whispered into her friend’s ear as they watched the soon-to-be couple. “I know” Vilde nodded back excitedly. Chris deserved the world, and her finding someone like Mutta who seemed so kind, only made the girls more excited for their friend’s bright future. 

“Hey” came a voice behind Sana. She turned her head around her shoulder, looking up to see Yousef. His hands were shoved into his dark blue shorts, face all giddy and flustered. She rose her eyebrows, trying to ignore Vilde’s frozen expression as she let out a breathy laugh, “Hi”. The words escaped her lips much more tensed than she had wished. 

“Can we..” he pointed to the small balcony behind him with his thumb. She paused, glancing at Vilde nervously who was still frozen. Vilde was  _ totally _ great at helping her out. When she didn’t say anything to object him, Sana turned her head back to Yousef, nodding slowly. “Uh, sure” she mumbled, walking after him. 

“Yes?” she asked as he slid the glass door of the balcony closed. The glare of the beautiful sunset hit his face, creating an ethereal glow onto the side of his features. She gulped, head ducking down in order to avoid looking like she was staring. 

Sana backed up until her back hit the wired gate on the balcony, hands crossed against her chest calmly. He stood with his head leaning against the glass door, biting his bottom lip as he stared at her silently. Good god if he kept on looking at her like that she wouldn’t be able to keep herself from combusting. 

“What” she blurted out, lifting her head up to meet his eyes. He paused for a moment, before moving off the glass. He walked towards her, eyes drinking her in. Gratefully, he maintained a one meter distance between them, before speaking. Opening and closing his mouth went on for a while, Sana felt the ticking of her impatience clock almost striking twelve. Taking so long was only making her more tensed. Finally, after a painful few minutes he spoke. 

“Are yo-did I-” he licked his lips, eyes peering past her to the scenery of the lake, “Are you avoiding me?” he asked in one breath, flicking his gaze back on her. Okay, Sana had not been expecting that. His bluntness took her off guard, as she fumbled for the right words. What would she say? Yes, I am because you make me all flustered up from basically one look? Or maybe, yes I am, because relationships terrify me and I use my busy schedule as an excuse to avoid people? 

She focussed her vision on the spot between his two eyebrows, hunting desperately in her brain for the suitable set of words. 

Slowly, she spoke, “I uh..” wasn’t it better to be honest? This was her trip for the girls, not for her confused developing feelings. “I have” she finally said, hands resting behind her on the railing. 

“Can I know why?” he requested. It was so glaringly obvious of how hard he was trying to remain unbothered. What baffled Sana more was the fact that she was trying so hard so remain unbothered, by him  _ being _ bothered.

And her breath lodged into her throat when he took a small, but noticeable step closer. 

“I like to keep my distance from people” she said with the shrug of her shoulders. It was not the whole truth, but it was true. Sana becoming close to someone was challenging. Growing up with the faces of bullies around her, had created this tough barrier between her and people. It was like she immediately thought the worse of new individuals as her defensive self appeared in front of her.

“You seem pretty close to the girls” he pressed forward, voice curious. Five more steps, and they’d be an index finger-length apart.  

“Well yah” she said as if obvious, “they are like sisters to me”. He smiled at that. Sana didn’t want to make her situation worse, but the way he looked with a smile almost always took her breath away. 

He retorted after a moment, saying “Yah, but logically at one point you weren’t close to them right?”. 

“Yes but-” she paused, why was this so hard to say for her? “But- I have always been comfortable around them”.

“So you’re saying you’re not comfortable around me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No-” she blurted out, cursing herself. Yousef squinted, clearly amused. He crossed his arms across his chest, tilting his head to the side. A small grin erupted on his face as he spoke,”You know you are  _ truly _ fascinating Sana”. 

Of course it happened again. That summersault type gurgling feeling in her stomach arose at his words. She opened her mouth to speak, “I-”

“Sana!’ came a voice behind Yousef. Vilde slid the door open, mouthing a “fy faen I’m sorry I got a phone call” before Yousef could see her. He turned his head slightly to see her. An expression of something Sana could only assume as frustration, flashed on his face, disappearing as quickly as it appeared.

“Vilde!” he cheered  _ way _ too enthusiastically with flailing arms. She smiled back, pointing to Sana.

“I-I need Sana for something” she stammered. He gave a suppressed pissed off look type smile, motioning for Sana to go. 

“She’s all yours” he muttered, pursing his lips when his eyes watched her leave behind Vilde. 

“What was that?!” Sana whisper-yelled when they were a safe amount of distance away from the balcony. Vilde shook her head panicky, “Sana I’m so sorry, I just-I completely froze cause he’s just _ so damn beautiful _ ” she giggled, making Sana glare at her. 

“ _ Yah _ , well your freezing in the moment, made me have to talk to him, and basically contain myself from combusting”

“I know, i know. Sorry” she mumbled glumly, head dropping down. It was hard to stay mad at her when she looked like that, so Sana rolled her eyes, and shook her head. 

“It’s fine”. Vilde popped her head back up with a grin, kissing Sana’s cheek exactly. Goodness she was such a dork. 

Noora’s voice suddenly came from the kitchen, “Coffee!” she announced, walking with a tray to the table. They all gathered up, taking their individual glasses. 

“Oh this is amazing!” Chris moaned after taking a sip. Mutta agreed slightly too enthusiastically from beside her, “Oh yah. Damn good!”. It was delicious, and clearly Mikael had a gift. The flavour was slightly unfamiliar for Sana, but had that bit of classical-ness that come with any coffee.

“See babe?” Mikael said with a proud smirk towards Adam, “I told you I’m a master at coffee” 

“You really are” Noora said from beside him, shoulder hitting his teasingly. 

They all sat at the table, chuckling out old stories of their teenage lives between sips of the warm drink. Sana laughed when Adam narrated the one time when he broke his dad’s watch, and bought a cheap replica version that broke the minute his dad wore it. The boys all seemed like very inviting and kind people, which wasn’t really a surprise for Sana as they were friends with Yousef. Hearing his name in her head, she turned her head to see him playing with the ring that was usually on his right pinky (no Sana didn’t notice it from their first handshake). He somehow sensed her gawking, as he met her eyes, smiling tiredly.

After talking for a few hours, the boys decided to leave when the moon rose high in the sky. They bid their goodbyes (Mutta hugged Chris  _ slightly _ too long) and said their kind thank yous, before Eva thought of an idea.

“Hey do you guys by chance want to have lunch tomorrow?” Why did the people closest to Sana betray her?! She opened her mouth to say object, but Adam intervened with a smile, “Aw that would be nice- Yousef was reminding us the other day that we hadn’t been to this one restaurant in a while, maybe we could go there?” 

“Sure” she responded, thrilled, taking her phone out, “Yah what’s your number? We can make a group chat or something”. Adam laughed, before taking out his phone while they figured out the plan.

They made a plan for them all meeting the next day at one restaurant called No 19 Dining, which apparently from Mikael’s words, was the “chillest” place to eat. After taking each other’s phone numbers, they left, grabbing their coats off of the couch. 

“Aw” Noora said as she closed the door, “They’re so nice!” Chris nodded excitedly, “Yup, they really are. Well..maybe one of them is  _ slightly _ more interesting than the others”. The girls all laughed while collectively dropping onto the couch, their legs became all tangled up. 

“Another hanging out?” Sana groaned, head lolling back into the seat of the couch.

“Why?” Eva whined, “You seemed like you were having a pretty damn good time staring at Yousef”. Sana opened her mouth in disbelief, “I was not staring..I only looked at him twice”. Vilde covered her giggle at Sana’s fib, shaking her head, “You’re so bad at lying Sana”

“Why?” she asked, scrunching her eyebrows. Vilde looked at her as if it was the most obvious thing ever, she spoke when she realized that Sana didn’t understand, “You, my love, have a major crush on him”. 

“Uh-no I do not!” she retorted defensively, crossing her arms. They all eyed her doubtfully. 

“You say that Sana..” they muttered. 

                                                                           --

The next day’s morning had sped by. Sana had woken up early, wanting to go the mosque. It was so refreshing to have one so near her premises. As back in Oslo, the nearest mosque was a long drive away. After coming back, the girls made breakfast, having had leftover ingredients from the dinner. Morning turned into noon quickly, as the girls packed their bags to leave. 

“Sana remember to take a jacket” Vilde muttered at the door. 

“I’m fine” Sana scoffed, she didn’t always get cold. They collectively glared at her from the door, as Noora spoke. “We are not giving our jackets this time okay?” 

She waved her off, saying, “Oh please, I’ll be fine”

“Okay..” Chris mumbled, “Suit yourself”.

Well Sana had been wrong. 

Wearing only a knitted cardigan over a dress was not the greatest idea, as the chilly winds seeped through the holes, causing goosebumps to erupt all over her body. She rubbed her hands over her arms, as they walked to the entrance of the restaurant.

Eva smirked at her, pointing with her chin to her jacket, “Do you want mine?” Sana shook her head proudly, “Nope. I’m completely fine. Cool beans”. Pride was stupid, and it was more stupid for Sana to pick it over warming up her cold arms. 

Luckily the boys arrived on time, jumping out of Yousef’s car. 

“Halla!” Yousef said while opening the door for the girls, “Let’s go inside!”. 

“How’d you guys come here?” Adam asked when they sat at the table. Chris rose her eyebrows with pride, “We got a taxi”. They all mumbled an exaggerated wow, before calling on a waiter.

It was a quirky restaurant. All things sort of compacted into a small space. But it wasn’t so tight that a person couldn’t enjoy their delicious meal. They all ordered their food and oddly all ordered some type of fruit juice, the smell of the cooking causing grumbles in Sana’s stomach. As the scrumptious looking dishes arrived one after another, they dug in, eating in complete silence because the food was too good to talk over.

“Oh my god” Mutta groaned after finishing his meal. He placed a hand on his belly, rubbing it in circles, “I’m so full” he moaned out. They all agreed with distressed looks, before Chris asked a question. 

“You guys want to go walk to that park? It seems pretty close by” they all gladly nodded. 

“Oh god yes, I’m so full I might burst. Walking will make this better” Adam muttered as he struggled to get out of his chair. Sana watched them struggle amusingly, before a thought dawned upon her. She’d have to go out into the cold, again. Being full and having to be cold was not a good combination. 

“Guys..” she mumbled as they all paused to look at her in her seat. She looked down at her hands, speaking quietly, “I’m..It’s too cold”.

“What was that?” VIlde said i sarcasm, placing a hand to cup her ear. Sana looked up to her with a glare, “I am too cold. And should have brought a jacket”.

“Ahh, there it is” she muttered, shaking her head. “Sana! How many times have we all told you that you get cold too easily?” Sana nodded defeatedly, “I know, i know” she muttered, “I’ll just take a taxi and stay at hom-”

“I’ll come with you” Yousef blurted out. He froze realizing he said it out loud, before covering up his words, “I mean-I have to get something for my sister from that area..so I might as well come with you”. Sana didn’t miss the small snickers of Mikael, Mutta, and Adam from behind him. She couldn’t refuse, there was no possible excuse she could create. Momentarily pausing, she smile nervously before nodding. “Uh- sure!” She stood up from her seat, feeling the slight poke from Noora who grinned excitedly at her. She pointed to Yousef who was walking in front of them, “Aww you guys are going to spend time alone” she teased, getting a smack on her hand from Sana. 

They all stood outside of the diner, Yousef scratched his head. 

“Uh-you guys can take the car if you want?” his voice oozed with anxiousness. Adam smirked saying, “Bro we want to walk there, you guys can take the car”.  Somebody was enjoying it. 

“Well  _ bro _ , I think you guys can drive there and then walk around in the park”, Yousef said through gritted teeth. She wondered if they were bugging him the way the girls were doing to her. Mikael cut off Adam’s next sentence, nodding supportively at Yousef. “We’ll take it, you guys go”. Yousef mouthed a quick thank you, before walking up to Sana nervously.

“Let’s go?” he asked, pulling on the sleeves of his jacket. Sana looked past him to the grinning girls with a nod, before smiling, “Yah-let’s go”.

                                                                                                                            --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and as always, have a good day/night! <3


	3. I'm Falling For Your Eyes, But They Don't Know Me Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second half of the last chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry sorry sorry this took so long!!!! I just..that final clip brought so many emotions (mostly anger and frustration) within me out, that I couldn't concentrate on this.  
> I'm writing the next chapter right now, so expect an update tomorrow!

The walk was..awkward, in the beginning to say the least. They strolled in silence beside each other, arms brushing on the offhand occasion. Every time she wanted to say something, _anything_ , to take the tension away, but nothing happened in her voice box. It was like the words just swallowed away at the thought of reaching his ears. Yousef suddenly stopped midway, making Sana turn.

“What happened?”

He pointed towards a rack, that had those rent-a-bike signs on it. “Want to?” he asked mischievously. Eh, everything was already going oddly, what could go more wrong?

After nodding, he walked up to the rack, pulling out two bikes. “Now. We have these only for a few hours okay?” she watched him with an ‘thank you captain obvious’ look, before taking one the bikes.

“Lead the way” she said, stepping on the petals. They rode straight forward, as the cold wind hissed by Sana’s ears. “Yah this may have not been the greatest idea” she said loudly, “I’m fucking freezing now”.

Yousef laughed from beside her, nodding. “Maybe you should’ve listened to your friends then huh?” he yelled out teasingly. Sana turned her head to look at him, meeting his eyes. He shrugged, “What? It’s true” It as weird how she hated how blunt he was, but admired him for it.

By the bikes, they reached the villa in a mere ten minutes. Luckily the ice had melted between them slightly, as he asked her a series of questions about where she wanted to see for the next day. Not gonna lie, she loved how he planned things so much.

Unlocking the apartment, she turned her head behind her nervously at Yousef, who leaned against the wall with a smile.

“You go, I’ll stay here” he said, nodding reassuringly.

Leaving him behind she walked into the apartment, rushing up the stairs to her room.

“What should I wear, what should I wear”, she muttered to herself with fumbling hands. Obviously she wasn’t looking for her best sweater because he was going to see her, nope not at all.

“Ah!” she exclaimed, as she found a black sweater under her pile of clothes. She made a mental note to order everything when she came back. Checking herself in the mirror, she rushed down the stairs. Yousef popped a smile on his face as she closed the door behind her, locking it and checking twice to make sure it was locked. Glancing at him from the side, she motioned to down the stairs. They walked in silence, and Sana pretended the slight brush of his arm ever so often was not making her stomach flutter again. Before leaving the gate she threw the sweater over her body, acting as if she had not seen him watch her every mechanical movement with fascination.

“Warm now?” he asked, opening the front gate for her. She stared at the ground at the action. Great, he was well-mannered too. Nodding hastily, she walked over to their biked, legs swinging across to step on the paddles.

“Okay how do we go back?” the roads were all crossed together, and Sana completely forgot how they had just come there. He opened his mouth to say something but paused as he caught her gaze, thinking otherwise he cleared his throat before speaking.

“To the right.”

They rode in silence, each watching the sight of buildings and people swooshing by them at their fast speed. She wanted to get rid of the awkwardness. Why, you may ask? She didn’t know, but seeing him so silent and monotoned twisted something within her. Licking her lips, she turned her head to his direction, saying, “Can I ask you something?” He turned to face her, clearly surprised that she was initiating a conversation. “Uh okay?” he laughed out, index finger signaling to go right.

“How do you know norwegian?” she yelled out. The sidewalks were packed with the voices of loud people in the market, making it difficult to keep a calm and low tone to her voice.

“I-uh. We used to live in Norway, in Bergen”

“Really?” she responded, eyebrows raising up. He nodded, eyes looking forward.

“We, meaning me and the guys, all use to live in Norway actually. Education had always been important to us, and we all loved Norway, so we decided to do our schooling their for upper secondary.” It felt like he was holding back something, and Sana’s curious mind couldn’t help itself.

“University then?” she asked. He shook his head, lips forming a straight line from her peripheral vision.

“We all moved back because..well stuff happened, and we thought it was best if we just studied back here.” he shrugged his shoulders while speaking. Something about his words made her want to press on. They veered to the next left lane. She could swear they hadn’t been in that area before. Yousef slowed his pedalling as they rode upon a tall hill. “What’s..this?” she asked, mirroring his actions. When he didn’t answer her question, she followed him, placing her bike beside his.

And her breath caught in her throat. Because as they walked up the rough and steep hill, her eyes landed on the most ethereal view of the city. Every lane, colourful building, the old cars.

“Wow” she mumbled breathlessly. She turned to praise him, only to meet his already lingering eyes. Yousef stepped towards her, froze, muttered a curse under his breath, stepped back, and sat down on the ground. “Sit” he said, patting the spot beside him while looking at the view. Sana brushed her pants and sat comfortably in the spot beside him, keeping a safe amount of space between them. They were just sitting, nothing could happen.

“Pretty sick huh?” he ran a hand through his hair while the cold wind blew at them. The sun sat in the middle of the sky, sparkling rays of light hitting them. He brought his knees to his chest, placing his head in an annoyingly cute way on top of them. He rested his forehead in a way, so that his face was turned towards her. It was hard to not notice.

“How’d you find this place?” she asked, giving up and turning to look at him. He pursed his lips, thinking. “Honestly I don’t really know. I kind of have always known about this place since I was a kid.”

“So you bring the guys here a lot then?” she asked like an answer. He shook his head slowly, refusing to break eye contact with her.

“No, they don’t know about this place.”

“Oh” she laughed almost maniacally. The only thing that ran through her head in that one moment was one line; please don’t let me why you brought me here, _please don’t_. Obviously, he did just that.

“I’ve never told anyone about this spot actually”, he stressed on ‘anyone’. There were no words said, just them staring at each other. Not being able to handle the intensity of his gaze, she snapped her head to look forward. The colourful houses of Fatih cooled her nerves. When she didn’t respond, he spoke again.

“I’ve always had this spot. From as long as I can remember this has been my safe space, you know? No matter what happens, when I come back and sit here it just..everything feels manageable again.”

 _Stop talking_ , she wanted to scream. The more he spoke, the more in tuned her ears got to his soothing words. She felt her throat tighten as she forced herself not to shout at him.

“I was so glad when we came back here from Norway, because I felt like I had lost some of myself when I wasn’t able to come here all the time. I was always restless, stressed. And thinking about university didn’t make it any better.”

 _There_. That was a safe topic.

Rubbing her arms, she asked, “You’re in university?” he nodded, looking down to his hands. “I’m in education”.

“Oh” she laughed dryly, “gonna teach a bunch of teens?” he cringed at her words, shaking his head quickly. “Oh _god_ no, I hated myself as a teen, and I wasn’t even that bad. So if there are worse than me..” he shivered dramatically, “I would never. I’m becoming a kindergarten teacher”.

Damn heart, fluttering at the smallest words. She wanted to cry. All she could imagine as they sat in silence after he spoke, was of him surrounded by a dozen kids who called him “Mr. Yousef” or “Teacher Yousef”.

“Aww” she mumbled with an attempt of a monotoned voice, “that’s sweet”. He perked up at her words, “You like kids?” his voice was all too excited for her liking.

“Yah, I guess so.” she shrugged her shoulders.

He furrowed his eyebrows, not satisfied with her answer. “What do you mean, ‘guess so’?”

“I-I don’t know...they're cute, but they just seem like such a hassle. And I feel like when people do end up having kids, they grow so distant from each other because they aren’t paying attention to their partner, rather their kid you know?”

Yousef shook his head disagreeing, “I don’t think that’s necessarily true though” he paused, gaze resting on her sharp jaw, “I think the problem is that people don’t know if they're ready for kids, which leads them to all these problems when they do have them. Because having kids is such a huge lifestyle change and people always forget that. So if two people are truly ready, raising kids isn't that hard”. Raising an eyebrow, she muttered, “You are that sure of having kids then?” her doubtful tone didn’t affect him, as he kept his stance steady. There was a shuffling, and Sana felt him edge closer to her, so that his body warmth radiated onto her.    
“I mean,” he looked at her, trying to make his sentence lighthearted, “as long as you find the one person, really nothing is a challenge when you have them alongside.” Sana felt her heart quicken as he spoke. She wanted to pretend that it wasn’t directed at her, but they both knew that would be a lie.

“Oh so you believe in the whole ‘soulmate’ thing?” she asked to break the tension. He nodded proudly, eyes still on her. “Of course I do.”

They were four words but _boy_ , did they take her breath away. There was something so heartwarming with how dearly he believed in the frivolous concept, and his conviction almost made her want to believe in it too. Almost.

She needed some air. But unfortunately they were already outside so that wouldn’t work. She just needed to clear her mind. Needed to be at least five meters away from him

Blinking and turning her head from his smoldering gaze, she spoke. “Yah well I believe that soulmates don’t exist. There can’t possibly be one person that was just made for you.”

Sana was a realist, always. He shook his head again, almost in disbelief at her words, “But how can you say that when you haven’t even experienced love,” he froze, nervous ticking, “have..you?” She shook her head all too quickly at that, coughing to to recover to her cool stance. Relationships and and a love life had never been her priority, and really they just brought too much luggage with them for her to be able to handle.

“No, not really” she spoke looking at her shoes under her, “My priority is medicine, and after that I’ll have to see I guess”. He laughed at that, looking at her incredulously, “I hate to be that cliche but you never know when you’re going to fall in love really”.

She hated the surety with which he spoke about love and fate.

“Yah well ‘fate’ will have to wait until I become a surgeon” she muttered. He rose an eyebrow, impressed. “Ohhh surgeon and all? Wow Sana Bakkoush becoming a doctor doesn’t really surprise me”.

Could he maybe say her name more often? No not because it sounded beautiful but for... _science_.

“Yah, my dad is a surgeon. And ever since I was a little girl I’d watch him do his job with so much conviction..and I guess it rubbed off onto me.” He nodded in interest.

“That’s really sweet..Are you close to your parents then?” he asked, clearly interested. A grin fell upon her face at that, as she thought back to how her dad was all teary-eyed while dropping the girls off to the airport. “Yah-I’m really close to them” she said brightly. Over the past years, they had gotten much closer. Sana became very more open with them, telling them about her struggles in school. It was easy, as they also humanized themselves, talking about their past mistakes as young adults. She was glad she had them. Her smile faltered slightly when he spoke. “They must one hell of a couple, I mean, they _did_ create you.”

Why? _Why_ did he have to say that?

Because as her ears understood what he had said so nonchalantly, she knew she was gone.

She liked him, and it was not going to go away anytime time soon. Her throat went dry, neck flushed, and heart sped up all at once. And what was worse, was that the words were pushing their way up her throat, just waiting escape her lips.

“Is it your goal or something to flirt?” she asked incredulously, turning to him. Yousef let out an ecstatic laugh at that, head falling back. Recovering after a moment, he licked his bottom lip, smile still pasted on his face. “Maybe.” he said with the shrug of his shoulders, he added turning to look at her, “Well, not with everyone really, just you.”

She desperately wanted her eyes to roll at that, to show her indifference at how he spoke softly, but they refused to do anything but stare in awe at him. So instead of saying anything, she rose up from her spot, turning back to the bikes. “Sana-” he chased after her, not knowing if he had stepped over a line. Small smile on her face, she pulled her bike up from the ground, watching him pace towards her. “Hey I’m-” he shook his head, hitting his forehead loudly, “-I’m sorry that I said that. I completely stepped over a line, and I shouldn’t have said that to someone I am doing my job f-”

“You want to play basketball?” she asked. Yousef jerked his head back with a quizzical look. He closed his mouth, clearly confused. After a moment he nodded, “Uh sure?”. Nodding, she said, “Lead the way then.”

                                                                                                                             --

“I didn’t think you’d like basketball..” he muttered while grabbing a ball from the rack. They had thrown their jackets into the corner of the court, and Sana didn’t mind having to see his toned arms. She cocked her head, appalled, “Why? Because I’m a girl?”

He contorted his face oddly at that, mouth opened, “You think I’m an asshole or something? I hope you know I’m a proud feminist” he said with pride, head lifted up.

Why was that not surprising, he after all was already a damn perfect human being. “I just-” he passed the ball to her, “I don’t know, you don’t seem like the sporty type.”

The ball bouncing echoed onto the walls of the court, as they were the only two (it was 15:00, who would in their right mind be playing basketball then?). She shrugged her shoulders, saying jokingly, “I guess I’m just the whole package then.”

“Oh” he laughed, “brains, sporty and beautiful? Damn.”

They passed the ball back and forth, maintaining a reasonable amount of distance between each other. But Sana was an impatient person, and she was competitive, so she challenged him.

“Okay how about we play one game, whoever gets 10 shots first wins.” he contemplated for a minute, smiling. “Fine, but I am pretty good at basketball if I may say” he gloated. She scoffed, “Well you have not played against me clearly”.

Yah, she won. He hadn’t realized how fucking incredible she was in basketball too.

She was on her 15th shot, when he gasped, doubling over.

“Okay, okay, I suck. I get it.” he muttered through harsh breaths. Sana watched him, amused at how exhausted he had become. The ball rolled from her one hand to another, when she suggested, “Okay I’ll go easy on you okay?” He scowled at her cockiness, grabbing the ball from her. “I’m fine thank you very much.” Annoyed, he placed the ball back in it’s place on the rack, turning towards her. Her throat dried up again, as he stretched his limbs out. The muscles on his back tensed, tightening his light blue shirt ever so slightly.

“What.” he asked, snapping her out of her reverie. Sana shook her head quickly, blinking out her dreamy gazing. “Uh nothing-nothing at all.” When he responded by quirking an eyebrow, she pointed towards the door, “Let’s go.”

Walking out through the door of the gym, Sana halted as she saw the sun resting on the horizon. Had they been playing for that long?

“Holy cow” she mumbled, pulling her sweater over her head. Then she scowled at her state she she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window of the building. Her lavender hijab was all over the place with pins popping out of the material of her scarf. There were small baby hairs glued to her forehead from dried up sweat, and her nude lipstick had faded away. “Uhg” she groaned while attempting to push the pins back into her hijab, “I need a shower”. Yousef let out a breathy laugh while waiting on his bike. “Come on” he mumbled, “I’ll drop you off.”

Using his directions, they found the rack where the bikes were rented. Luckily with his shortcuts it didn’t take to long to reach the villa by foot. The lights were turned off, indicating the girls hadn’t arrived back home yet.

“So..” he said while scratching his head, “We completely ditched the group huh?”

Sana had completely forgotten about the girls. They must have been worried sick. Panicking, she patted the pockets of her sweater.

“Oh hell” she muttered, “I forgot my phone inside the house”. He groaned, pulling out his phone, “Yah my battery died a while ago.”

“You think they’re gonna be mad?” she asked, wincing. He pursed his lips, “Uhh- _pretty_ sure they will be pissed.” They chuckled, stopping at the gate of the villa. Sana turned around, leaning her back against the railing. The sun had settled fully by that point, darkening Yousef’s features. The shadow of the moon hit his hair almost creating a halo effect. They stood their, eyes flashing from each other to their feet. She couldn’t just tell him to leave, he needed the ride back home. But she couldn’t also just stand there awkwardly with him. There was only one solution, that made Sana internally groan.

After a painful few minutes, Sana broke the silence. “Uh..do you want to?” she pointed behind her to the villa. Yousef’s gaze tracked her hand, eyes widening slightly when reaching the destination, “Oh. Yah-sure.”

She pushed the gate open, all giddy for some unknown reason.

“Do you want something?” she asked after he placed his coat down on the couch after closing the door. They were in closed-quarters, great.

He shook his head, then licked his lips before nodding, “Uh actually can I get some water maybe?”

Sana agreed all too eagerly as they walked into the kitchen. She rose to her tiptoes, rolling the glass until it reached her fingertips from the tall cabinet. Yousef watched her from the counter, silently laughing. “Hey don’t make fun of my height.” she whined when he edged to the spot beside her by the tap. “I’m not making fun” he defended, “I’m just amused.” She scowled, squinting her eyes while filling the glass up, “That’s basically the same thing.” she retorted. After wiping the droplets that escaped onto the bottom of the cup, she handed it over. Of course the couldn’t just take the glass in normal fashion. So he rose from the counter a little too close to her and brushed his fingers against her’s. “Thank you” he said softly, eyes watching hers. They never broke contact whilst he drank to the bottom of the glass, letting out an ‘ahh’ as he handed the glass back to her. “Sana?” he said, making her remember that she was frozen and very clearly staring at him.

Yousef stepped closer to her with one hand pressed into the counter. Her heart quickened as she watched his movements, gulping. The air shifted in the room. The heat in it rose. It had been filled with tension when they had entered the apartment, but it suddenly turned into something more, something almost overwhelmingly intense. 

“Sana” he repeated breathlessly.

 _Good god_ her heart was going to fail her. Yup, she was going to die that night from combustion and heart failure.

Warmth radiated off his body from the nearness, heating up the skin of Sana’s face. When she didn’t stop him, he took another step forward carefully. He observed her with such awe, eyes moving down the line of her jaw, resting after a moment on her lips. He stuck his tongue out slightly to wetten his lips, an adorable habit she had figured out amusingly from the first day of meeting him. That day felt like years ago.

His hand on the counter slid closer to the spot where her hip rested when he took another step forward. If he came any closer, their breathes would mix together.

At least he looked as out of breath as she was.

Yousef opened his mouth after a moment of gathering strength, looking deep into her eyes he said, “Sana I-"

“ _Sana_?!”

Sana snapped her head quickly to the front door, seeing Vilde take in the small amount of distance between the two. Fy faen why did she feel like she was being caught?

She backed away from Yousef while he stared at her, taking five long steps to reach the counter.

“H-halla Vilde!” she said with a nervous laugh. Vilde cleared her throat after a minute, walking slowly towards Sana.

“Uh we..” she kept looking between her and Yousef, “Where were you?! Both of you guys aren’t answering your phones!”

“Oh uh I left my phone at home” Sana said, pointing up the stairs. “And my phone died” Yousef added from across the counter. Vilde looked quizzically at them before a small smirk painted her lips, “So..why weren’t you guys in the park then?” Sana loathed at the great amount of amusement that oozed with each word of Vilde’s. She turned to Yousef, he shrugged his shoulders back at her in panic before speaking. “We uh-I wanted to show Sana this one spot since she loves landscape scenery.”

“Does she now?” Vilde retorted with the tilt of her head. To save him, she said, “Y-yah I do. Very much!”

Suddenly footsteps echoed up the stairs, and Sana wanted the ground to swallow her. Noora, Eva, and Chris rushed behind Vilde, sighing out of relief when seeing Sana. Before they could instigate, Vilde mumbled, “They went to see some landscaped.” They rose their individual eyebrows, nodding slowly when the realization hit them. They all grinned wickedly at Sana, with hands muffling their lips.

“So.” Noora cleared her throat, “You had fun then?” she asked, failing to hide her snickering.

If looks could kill, Sana’s glares would have eviscerated each one of the girls.

“Yousef!” Eva laughed out pointing behind her, “The guys are in the car. They’re waiting for you.”

“Oh yah I just-” he turned to look at Sana, why did he have to look at her that way? “I-do you guys have any paper here?” Sana paused for a second, not knowing if he was being serious or not. “Uh yah?” she answered as a question. Turning around, she shuffled through the drawers of kitchen, grabbing the pen and pad of paper. “Why?” she asked when handing the them over to him. He didn’t answer, rather scribbled down something on a sheet.

“For this.” he stated, passing the single sheet over to her. And before she could read, he whispered a soft ‘good night’ and squeezed past through the girls who had barricaded the doors.

Sana looked confusingly down to the paper, heart dropping into her stomach. She poorly attempted to hide her stunned expressions from the girls, as she reread the paper over and over and over.

Because written on the paper in messy writing, was a simple set of ten digits.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and as always, have a great day/night! <33


	4. This World Is Not Made For You and Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spice bazaar, scheming, and pilaf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry sorry sorry for the delay!! So I started writing this chapter literally the moment I finished the last one and that was all fine. But then what happened was that I had to keep stopping mid-sentence because of stuff and because I am lazy af, so the continuation was lost which made all this choppy nonsense. Also got the damn writing bug which made finishing this chapter even more difficult. So I have changed the outline of the story and...actually I'll explain it in the end notes. Enjoy! <3
> 
> Warning: may be real shitty writing and choppy because of my weird brain, so sorry in advance :-)

Ten digits, _that’s it_. They were ten digits that Sana had practically memorized. They were ten digits that made her so anxious, and yet so excited. Her hands twirled her phone around as she rested on top of her bed, contemplating what to do.

What was she going to do with the number?

“ _Oh my god_ just text him already.”

Sana snapped her head to her side, pointing her laser eyes on Vilde. They were both lying on her bed. Sana had been there for an hour, and after one point of seeing her moping, Vilde joined her with a sigh.

“It’s not that simple” Sana muttered, turning her phone off and on. She heard another frustrated groan escaped Vilde, who rubbed a hand over her own face. “Sana.” she pulled Sana by her shoulder to make them be face to face, with their sides digging into the mattress. “Sana?” she repeated, but more softly, “You are making this a _shit load_ more complicated than it is.” the overly sweet tone was duly noted by Sana. It was annoying to have Vilde as her best friend; the girl was a great observer, and she somehow had figured Sana out. Sana knew of course, that she had a history of making things way more tangled and complicated than they were. But there were so many reasons why she didn’t want to delve further with Yousef. Distance between where they lived, culture clash, wanting differing futures, and those were just some of them.

“Sana!” Vilde said with exasperation. She shook her friend impatiently in order to gain her attention. Vilde licked her lips, wanting to choose her words carefully. “Look, I know that your planning ahead-brain is in full chaos mode right now. Your degree is your priority, I know. And I-good _god_ I know, that this is incredibly risky, but Sana I can tell something very clearly right now, with complete confidence. That boy really likes you, and it’s not just me who thinks this. The girls-even Yousef’s friends see it!”

Sana glared at her, gaping her mouth opened. “You talked to the guys about us?” Vilde rolled her eyes while continuing her speech, “The point is, while we all know that you’re terrified of relationships-”

“- _Hey_!”

“Let me finish my point woman! As I was saying, while we all know that there are like..sixty different reasons this could go wrong, what if it goes perfectly?”

Sana opened her mouth to retaliate a point, but nothing came out. Her voice of reason was suddenly empty of rebuttals. “Oh my god I made Sana Bakkoush not have a retort for once!” Vilde squealed as if having achieved something huge, hands covering her mouth in disbelief. Sana rolled her eyes muttering a “Shut up”, before lifting herself up in order to rest her back on the headboard of the bed. Vilde mirrored her actions, resting an arm on Sana. “So?” she giggled excitedly, “Are you going to text him?” Knowing her friend would show a priceless expression from her words, she turned her head down to see Vilde as she said, “Yes.”

“Finally!!!” Vilde cheered, squeezing Sana’s arm a little too tightly. She paused, laughing nervously, “Can I watch?”

Sana squinted her eyes, muttering a blunt “No”, to which Vilde pouted while getting up. She did a little dance in front of Sana, who laughed wholeheartedly at it, before leaving. “Tell me when the wedding is!” she added while walking out the door to which, Sana missed her throw of a pillow at her.

She was really doing it.

Taking a deep breath, Sana placed her phone in front of her face in order to ready herself.

“This will be fine, you will be fine.” she chanted to herself from her phone’s reflection. The number was added, and she opened up her messages. What was she going to write? She didn’t want to sound too much of anything, just monotoned. Licking her lips, she typed.

 

_10:24_

 

 **Sana:** Hi

 **Sana:** It’s Sana.

 

There. She let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding, dropping her phone onto her chest. Now she had to wait. Wait for the ominous ‘read at this time’ status, or the more stressful response, a reply of his.

_Ping._

Sana scattered to grab her phone, going to her messages.

 

_10:26_

 

 **Yousef:** Hi!

 **Yousef:** What a coincidence, I was about to drive over to your guy’s place.

 **Yousef:** We’re going to go the spice bazaar

 **Sana:** oh yah I read about that place!

 **Yousef:** Why is that not surprising? You truly are a planner.

 **Yousef:** Then after, we’re going to the Pera Museum. You’ll absolutely love it, it’s stunning.

 **Sana:** Then I am very excited for today

 **Yousef:** I’ll be at the house in a few minutes. Oh and be sure to tell the girls to pack extra water this time since Eva drinks like six bottles a day lmao.

 **Sana:** Yah she does drinks an abnormal amount of water..

 **Sana:** I’ll tell them.

 **Yousef:** Oh and maybe don’t forget a sweater today.

 **Yousef:** I mean, I loved hanging out, but I’d love to show you the city today <3

 **Sana:** Don’t worry, I’ll remember

 

                                                                                      --

“Woah!” Noora exclaimed, pausing her shuffling of her things into her bag as she watched Sana walk down the stairs in awe. Vilde followed her gaze, jaw dropping. “Oh my god you look gorgeous Sana!” she whispered with a gasp, hands covering her mouth while watching her descend down the stairs. Eva came up in front of Sana, pulling her by the arm to the window. “I just need to take one picture, I’m sorry I have to” she muttered, clicking on her phone with a bright grin. The girls all crowded around her phone as Sana watched amusingly. A series of “awwws” filled the living room, as they all clutched their chests in happiness. Chris walked up to Sana, leaning against the window, while saying in disbelief, “You are so stunning, do you realise it?”

Sana bit her bottom lip, blowing a kiss to Chris. “Thank you.”

It wasn’t a surprise that the girls were in so much awe of her outfit. She had spent quite a while perfecting it.

Sana was wearing a maxi dress. It was ridden with intricate line patterns, combining sea blue, turquoise and multiple shades of grey into one detailed design. Along with the dress, she wore a pastel blue hijab, adorning her ears with a pair of big silver-hooped earrings.

Noora poked her on the shoulder, wiggling her eyebrows excitedly. “What’s with the jaw-dropping outfit?” Sana rolled her eyes with a scoff, leaning against the counter of the kitchen. “I liked the outfit, I wore the outfit.” She shrugged her shoulders to make a statement of the simplicity behind her specific dress. Of course the girls didn’t buy it, and they instigated her until their doorbell rang. Eva rushed to the door, muttering a “Does anyone know cpr? Because this boy may just pass out.” before pulling the door opened. “Yousef!” she sang, pulling him into a warm hug. They swung for a bit before he pulled back. “How are you gi-”

Yousef halted in his trance, as his eyes landed on Sana.

He froze, suddenly forgetting every word in the Norwegian dictionary. And Sana was not exaggerating when she used the expression, but his light brown eyes seemed as if they were actually going to pop out of their sockets as he took her attire in. The beat of her heart speeded rapidly, and the little butterflies in her stomach fluttered through her entire system when he drank her in. There were no words to describe the feeling Sana felt; as if his gaze made her entire body feel on fire, while also freezing it down. Breathlessly, he whispered out a phrase in his transfixed stance. _“Rüyalarımın kadınısın.”_

Sana furrowed her eyebrows, not being able to comprehend what he had said. His Turkish accent usually made some words slightly difficult to understand. But she didn’t need to reassure herself in that moment that he had most _definitely_ not said something in Norwegian.

Yousef blinked, clearing his throat when realizing that he was more than obviously frozen like a popsicle. There was this minute where he collected himself, shuffling his feet from one side to another while running his long fingers through his hair.

“So.” Sana jumped in startlement when hearing Chris’ voice. She had forgotten there had even been anyone else there. “Where are we going today?” she asked him.

Yousef scratched his scalp slightly, shaking his head while not being able to hold back his flustered laugh, “Sorry-uh. Can you repeat that?”

Subsequently after explaining the schedule to the girls, who all cheered in excitement, they all collected their things to go down to his car. Vilde elbowed Sana when they walked behind the group down the stairs. “He’s a keeper Sana” she whispered with a giggle, wincing when Sana smacked her gently.

Because of her need to maintain distance, Sana had always sat in the far back of his old car (it had three rows). She’d rather be squashed and suffocated by heat in the back, then be hyperventilating in the front. But oh _of course_ the girls were always scheming against her. When she opened the door of the back seat, Vilde slipped in before Sana could protest. “Hey!” she whined, watching as Vilde shrugged mischievously. With a wicked smirk, she said “I guess you’ll just _have to_ sit in the front Sana..” Sana lifted moved in order to sit in the second row seat, but Noora dropped the girls’ bags on it. “Guess you’ll have to Sana..” she muttered innocently (yah they weren’t real subtle, when Chris high-fived her from the back). She just glared daggers at them, and damn them, they weren’t even fazed. Gritting her teeth, and slamming the door close, she muttered, “I guess I have to.” Ducking into her seat in the front, Sana forced a smile as Yousef watched her. “You’re in the front?” he cocked his head in disbelief, “Usually Chris is up here with me..” Sana snapped her head in her seat to see Chris snickering behind her, burning holes into her. Laughing dryly, she faced him saying, “Well...I guess it’s just me today!”

And of course he had to add one cheek-burning line. Turning the ignition on, he looked ahead at the road, laughing out a “Well finally.”

                                                                                          --

The afternoon weather was pleasantly warm considering it had been so cold the day before. It didn’t take them long to reach the bazaar, as it was in Fatih. Yousef parked the car a few blocks away, turning the ignition off. With a sigh he turned to the girls saying excitedly, “Prepare to be overwhelmed, and extremely hungry.”

He was right; the bazaar was just.. _so_ much, in one contained area. Every corner there was a vendor, selling something delicious, whether it be fresh spices or dishes, and Sana’s mouth watered as they walked into the area. Her eyes were almost attacked with the sheer amount of colours hitting them; every colour that you could imagine was present. She looked above, to see the beautiful archway that covered the bazaar; the yellow and purple designs taking her breath away.

“ _Fy. Faen._ ” Chris muttered from beside her, in awe as Sana. She tapped an equally transfixed Noora’s shoulder, who brought her camera to her eye and snapped a shot. “This is-” Noora shook her head in disbelief, “This is incredible.”

Suddenly, a shoulder pushed past Sana, jolting her out of her awe. She paused her travelling eyes on Yousef, who watched them all amusingly, with arms crossed over his chest, and a smirk ridden on his lips. “See? I told you, you guys would like it.” he muttered, swinging himself up and down by the heels. He clapped his hands to grab their attention, “Okay, guys we have a lot to see and many foods to eat. And _please_ stay together, because honestly this place is very crowded and all of you are quite directionally challenged.” Before they could be offended, he rose his hands up, “Not the time, not the place. Let’s go!”

They all huddled together, arms somehow linked with some limb of the other, in order to not lose anyone in the group. Noora managed to grab a few pictures as they made their way into the crowd, laughing with Eva at how ridiculously they looked, like they were some school kids on a field trip.

As they passed by each vendor, they observed the different things being sold; the spices, the candy, varieties of tea leaves, flower oils that were kept in delicate glass bottles, hand-crafted plates, baked goods, even soaps were sold. In the rush of the moment, Sana hadn’t realized that she had grabbed onto Yousef’s arm, but couldn’t change spots in the chaos. She carefully encircled her arms around his one one tightly, pressing closer as they scooched their way through. Yousef didn’t seem to mind, more preoccupied with struggle to find the best area to get food for the girls. Suddenly Sana’s eyes caught a glimpse of vertical block, that was red and had nuts covering the surface. It almost looked like the meat you’d see in farmer’s markets that would be shaved off little by little, as it was roasted. Sana shook Yousef’s arm to gain his attention. He blinked before meeting her eyes and quirking an eyebrow up. “What’s that?” she pointed to the mysterious block. Yousef followed her index finger, smile popping on his face as he saw the item. “Oh that? That’s Fruit döner, it’s basically pestil-uh how would you say it in Norwegian..” he paused biting his bottom lip adorably in contemplation, “Uh like I think it’s called fruit leather? Like it’s the pulp of fruit made into block, and it’s covered with nuts and pomegranates.” The girls all nodded in fascination. “Can we try some?” Chris asked from beside Sana. “Yah?” Yousef laughed, “You don’t have to ask me, we’re not on a field trip..” Chris shook her head, “No it’s just because we’re all really confused with how things work in the bazaar. Can you get it for us?” she asked with a smile. He nodded, smiling reassuringly before they all shuffled in their odd cluster towards the vender. Yousef pressed his other hand on top of Sana’s which rested on his one arm, “Do you want some too?” she nodded, focussing on his face instead of the warm touch of his hand on her’s.

“ _Merhaba”_ he greeted to the owner, shaking the man’s hand with a sun-like bright smile, he continued talking, pointing to the döner, then at all six of them.” The kind vendor nodded warmly, slicing off six thin pieces if the block, and placed them on a plate. Yousef took the plate, passing it to Sana before managing to grab his wallet from his back pocket and payed the man. Before she could protest and tell him that they would pay, he closed his eyes, whispering a “My treat.” to her. He turned to the vendor and said a small thank you, before they moved into an area where it was empty. The girls and him made a circle as Sana passed out a piece of the fruit leather to everyone. They did a dorky cheer before all taking bites. “Oh my god it’s amazing.” Eva moaned out, head falling back in joy. Sana nodded excitedly as her taste buds basically did a dance while she gobbled up the rest of her piece. “Uhg I want to pack some, that’s so addictive!” Sana exclaimed to the group as Yousef laughed in amusement. “You know you can always just buy it in bulk right?” he suggested. Sana clapped her hands together, thrilled, before she and Yousef left the group and went back to the vendor.

In all honesty she _may_ have went slightly overboard with the pestil, as Yousef’s eyes widened when she told how much she wanted. Muttering an okay, he asked kindly to the man, who stared at them quizzically before shaving off a shitload of the pestil, and packed it.

After managing to get her pack of the fruit döner, the group scoured the market, somehow being able  to see every corner of the area. It had been one of the most memorable days of Sana’s life. The girls and her had never laughed so hard as they found some questionable looking items on certain shelves, and whenever the always picky Vilde scrunched her nose in distaste after eating some certain food she didn’t like. They ate, and ate, and ate, while buying small amounts of different spices and grabbing a few classic hand-made items. Sana eyes had never drank in so many things at once, and after a certain point she didn’t mind. She wondered as they sipped on their small glasses of turkish tea, how it would be to live near an area like the bazaar. To have it as part of your daily life, to have so much variety at your fingertips must have been something. A good hour and a half afterwards, Noora groaned rubbing her belly as she had eaten way too much. “Guys,” she mumbled, tapping Chris and Sana’s shoulders, “Can we sit? I think I’m going to be sick..” In panic, Sana shook the arm of Yousef’s that she had held, grabbing his attention.

Scurrying there way through the bazaar, they managed to find an empty table on the outside part of a cafe, where Noora dropped down into a seat, groaning in her hands. “Aww babe..” Eva muttered, rubbing Noora’s back slowly as they all watching her nervously. Chris pulled out a bottle from her bag, giving it to Noora who gulped it down to the last drop. Thank god that Yousef had reminded her to bring extra water..

Luckily after a few minutes of sitting and relaxing Noora was able to stand up, silently thanking them all for being patient. They were walking back into the bazaar when Sana heard Eva mumbled to Noora, “So you don’t want to go on the date then?” to which, Noora quickly reassured saying “No of course we are! You wanted to go to that restaurant so badly, we are definitely going. Honestly babe I’m fine now!” Sana smiled while looking down at her shoes as she heard them. They were so sweet together, and they only complimented each other so well. Often times she thought back to their high school days when both Eva and Noora had been in some..questionable relationship, while sneaking longing glances at each other. So when Chris, Vilde, and her had finally mustered up a plan to bring them together, she was overjoyed when it was a success. Never had she witnessed two people so in love, and two people so perfect for one another. She turned her head to the couple behind her asking, “So you guys aren’t gonna be home for dinner?” They both shook their heads eagerly while Eva kissed Noora’s cheek, “Noora and I are going to this one restaurant. Yousef told us about it and it sounds so romantic!”

Sana glanced at Yousef who was discussing something about the soap she had bought. She was glad that he got along with the girls so well to the point that they almost felt odd when going out without him after one point. She felt a tap on her shoulder, eyes widening in confusion as she saw an unexpected figure. “Mutta?!” she said in bewilderment. He waved a small hand, before forgetting his words as he met Chris’ eyes from beside her. “Hi..” she mumbled nervously, waving awkwardly.

Oh my goodness, were they going to hang out?!

Sana couldn’t help the wicked grin that spread on her face as she looked between the two who walked on either side of her while making heart eyes at each other. She cleared her throat, gaining a flustered Mutta’s attention back. “What brings you here?” she asked amusingly, as the rest of the group took a double take when seeing Mutta. He fumbled with his words before Chris aided him. “We..we’re going to hang out over the evening.” she stated softly, white cheeks tinting with red. Sana turned around to meet Noora’s wide and amused eyes as they all did a silent cheer before she turned back with a failed serious expression. “So like a date?”

They both simutanyi said ‘yes’ and then ‘no’, giggling at one another.

 _God_ people having crushes was one the best things to see as an audience.

“Oh my god just go you two!” Yousef sighed out, shaking his head impatiently. Chris squeaked out a “Love you!” so Sana before grabbing onto Mutta’s arm as they rushed away.

“Oh my god they are so adorable..” Yousef mumbled slightly too close to her ear. She snapped her neck to see his face, eyes mistakenly landing on his (as always) wetted lips. Internal panic started as she desperately coughed her gaze away, not missing the way his brown eyes darkened as they continued walking to the bazaar.

                                                                                                     --

Vilde found someone.

Sana had a shit-eating grin on her face as she watched it happened. They were all grabbing the last of the items that would still manage to fit in their luggage, as it happened. Vilde had bought some variations of tea leaves, wanting to try something more- her words not Sana’s- ‘ethnic’. And when she went up to pay the vendor, her mouth dropped. Because the person standing in front of her might have been one of the most beautiful women that any of them had ever seen. They both froze, eyes meeting, and sparks flied everywhere while Sana observed from afar in sheer joy. She muttered out a breathless ‘hi’ to the girl, who whispered back something in turkish. Vilde responded back with a small smile, shaking the girl’s hand from across the counter. “Fy faen who is that?” Eva yelled (it was her attempt of whispering) from beside Sana, grabbing her bicep. She shrugged, “I-I don’t know. But I’ve never seen Vilde look at someone that way before..” Gaping at the two, Sana wondered could this be it? Could this be _the_ relationship for VIlde? The one that she deserves so much?

“Woah” Noora uttered after leaning an arm on Sana’s shoulder (being the shortest of the group was the worst), “Who’s that?” Eva and her both shrugged, shushing in order to watch the magical scene in front of them. When they turned back to the Vilde, she had suddenly disappeared. “Where-where did she go?!” Eva asked all panicky. They rushed over to the spot where she had been, peering over the counter. Oh god what if something happened to her? What if that lady took her somewhere? Sana felt her stomach drop at the thought. She threw her bags into Eva’s hand, looking determinedly beyond the counter. “Okay I’m gonna go inside and see what happened-”

“Sana!” she scolded, “You can’t just go into someone’s-”

“Eva, what if something happened to her?!” she took a deep breath and ignored the girls’ protests, climbing behind the wobbly counter. That feeling happened within Sana. That ominous feeling, as if what she was going to see was going to be horrible. She pushed through the curtain that barricade the area from customers. What if she influenced Vilde to go with her somewhere? They didn’t know the area properly! What if she got ki-

She halted in her stepped as she took in the sight before her.

“Oh.” she blurted, eyes widening in sheer embarrassment and mortification as she watched Vilde sitting in the lap of the vendor girl, while they kissed sloppily. The girl looked up, eyes opening wide seeing Sana. She moved her face back from Vilde who muttered out a breathless “What happened?” before following her gaze. Vilde jumped out of the seat, laughing way too loudly with flushed cheeks. “Sana.” she said through gritted teeth, “Wha-what are you doing here?” Sana pointed behind her, “Vilde I thoug-We thought something hap-” she paused, voice all frazzled, “We didn’t know where you went! We were worried sick!” Vilde softened her angry gaze at the words, smiling slightly, “Sana” she said like an ‘aw’, “I’m totally fine.” Sana smiled back, thankful that her friend was fine. When Vilde realized the elephant in the room she stammered, “Oh by the way-this is Emine. She and her dad sell lokum.” she pointed awkwardly at the girl who had her shirt half-unbuttoned. Emine stood up, not knowing if shaking hands was quite appropriate in the situation. Sana quickly got her hesitance, and brought her own hand out, “Hello” she said in English, “My name is Sana.” The beautiful girl with light brown hair and hazel eyes nodded with a laugh. “Sorry-” she said with her uncoordinated hands shaking Sana’s, “-I’m Emine, as you already..know.” An uncomfortable silence filled the small room as they all glanced at each other with forceful smile. “I think-” Sana pointed behind her, “I’m just gonna go. Uh Vilde?” It was odd and manky to be speaking in English, and it made Sana’s voice sound more high-pitched than she wanted. Vilde looked at her, then at Emine, then back, “Um, I think I’m going to stick around for a little bit.” Sana got the message as Emine added, “Oh I can drop Vilde hope, I have a car.” they rambled a few, ‘oh are you sure?, ‘that’s so kind’, etc. before Sana finally was able to turn around and leave, closing her eyes in utter humiliation.

“Sana?!” came Yousef’s voice out of nowhere. His face was pale as the moon, hair messier than usual. Seeing her, a rush of colour flashed on his face as he let out a sigh of relief.

“What the hell were you doing in someone’s store?!” he asked after taking three long steps. He almost brought his hands up to her face, but thought otherwise after a moment and dropped them onto his side. Maybe Sana had wanted him to do it, just maybe.

Suddenly Eva rushed up to her along with Noora, both in confusion. “Well?” Eva asked, standing beside Yousef. They all watched her intentively, blinking only once. Rolling her eyes at the nonessential chaos, she exhaled loudly before narrating the mortifying story. By the end, the all had a hand on their mouths in attempts of suppressing their laughter. Yousef bursted out a small laugh, muttering a small sorry when she glared. “Shut up..” she mumbled, looking down at her hands, “I was concerned okay?”

“Aww” Noora laughed, pinching Sana’s cheeks annoyingly.

“How about we all forget this ever happened so I don’t have to remember this horrible experience ever again?”

                                                                                                     --

Of course they didn’t let it go. So while they gathered up the last of their bags, along with the ones Vilde had thrown into Sana’s hand, their walk to Yousef’s car was filled with annoyingly smart puns made by Noora about the situation, while Eva imitated Sana’s panicked expressions of that moment.

Sitting down in the passenger seat, she scowled, muttering “You guys are literally the worst.”

“Okay, okay, sorry okay? We will end this hilarious topic right here.” Eva stated from the back, placing a hand on Sana’s shoulder in fake pity. Yousef in the meanwhile had stayed silent the whole time, listening in amusement to Eva’s theatrical version of the story. Sana saw him eyeing her blue hijab from the driver’s seat before driving off back to their villa.

“Wait!” Noora said suddenly, groaning before slapping her forehead. “What?” Sana asked in concern, turning her shoulders. Noora cursed under her breath before looking between Sana and Eva, “Babe. Our dinner?” Eva widened her eyes with an -oh shit- look, before hollering, “Noora! I told you to remind me, I am the forgetful one!” Noora scoffed, “Why am I supposed to remember, huh? You have a brain too Mohn.” They started arguing, adding their passive aggressive remarks in each line before saying ‘oh yah?’.

“You forgot to get Isak’s cake-”

“-Well you forgot to get my mail that one time.”

“Oh my god _forget about the mail incident_ woman, it happened once!”

That was it, Sana was going to snap.

“GUYS.” she hollered, making them shoot their angry looks at her from the back seat, “The restaurant?!” They both dropped their shoulders, muttering a sheepish ‘oh’ before looking at each other. “Sorry..” Eva mumbled, grabbing Noora’s fingers gently, “I’m sorry too..” Noora said back, kissing the back of Eva’s hand, “I know you’re forgetful and all, I just don’t like being held responsible every time when we miss something.”

“I know. I’m sorry that i throw that all on you.” Eva paused smiling gently, “Love you.”

“Aw.” Yousef said from the front, watching them intentively from the rear view mirror. Sana couldn’t help but break her stern look into a soft one as she melted at their love. They hugged each other, before Noora tapped Yousef’s shoulder. “Can you drop us off at the restaurant? We’ll take a taxi back.” He nodded reassuringly, “Gladly.”

Stopping in front of the building, Noora closed the door of her side close as Eva mirrored her actions. Popping her head  through Sana’s window, Noora placed a small peck on her cheek while whispering a ‘take care’, and ‘we’ll be back don’t worry’, before waving goodbye to her and Yousef.

Wait.

Her and Yousef. It was _just_ her and Yousef.

Sana snapped her head up in realization to meet Noora’s knowing gaze as she walked hand in hand with Eva, giving a sneaky wink to her. Those evil geniuses. Had they planned this all out so that she would end up being all alone with him for the evening? Chris had purposely made the coincident plans of hanging out with Mutta the night that also Noora and Eva would be gone. And then Vilde said she’d stay with Emine even though Sana knew that Vilde _never_ jumped into things like that, not anymore.

“The house then?” Yousef asked, eyes catching her’s. They were those soft eyes he always kept for when they were in solitary together, causing that instant melting of her heart. Often she wondered if he got that feeling too; that almost intoxicating feeling of being sucked into the eyes of another person. Being so transfixed in one’s gaze that you just..forget everything. “Sana.” he said monotonously, snapping her out of her daze. “Yes-” she coughed out, “-the house.”

                                                                                                           --

“There you go.” he sighed out, dropping the last of the bags on the table of the main room. They groaned at their tired bodied, laughing when realizing the other was suffering as much.”I guess we’re just two old people.” she teased, dropping down with a thump onto the couch. Sana dropped her head behind her, laying it against the soft material of the cushion, before feeling a bounce. Brown eyes opened to see Yousef mirroring her actions, laying on the opposite side of her spot. He peeked open his one eye like a child to see her staring, before popping up in his seat. “So,” he said through a yawn, resting his temple against the couch while watching her warmly, “what are you going to do this fine evening?” Honestly she didn’t know, but the thought of being home alone in the quite large villa sparked a certain unsettling feeling within her stomach. She shrugged with her bottom lip pushed out, “I’ll probably just eat something and then sleep.” She noticed the way he nodded disappointingly, before speaking. “So a chilled out evening then?” he pressed on. “Yah. I mean, I don’t know how chilled it really will be since I have to cook” she said with a chuckled. He furrowed his eyebrows, “Why? You don’t like cooking?” he asked in almost disbelief. She twisted her lips slightly, “Uhh not really. More like I just suck at it.” He joined in when she let out a dry laugh, brushing a hand through his hair. Had she mentioned that she could watch him messing with his hair for an eternity. He patted his legs while inspecting the apartment. He hadn’t actually seen the whole place, had he?

Before she could say anything, he stood up with a loud exhale. “I guess I should be going” he stated, making a pop sound with his lips, and doing a weird clapping thing with his extended arms.

Oh no. Sana knew it was coming.

She placed a hand on her mouth to keep it shut for once, desperately trying to contained the words while she watched him stroll to the front door. With every step he neared the wooden gate, she pressed her knuckles deeper into her lips. He twisted the knob slowly, turning to look at her. “Good night Sana.”

No. If she opened her mouth, she’d blurt it out, oh she _knew_ she would. So instead of speaking, she nodded all too fast with a sickeningly sweet smile slathered on her lips. When he figured she wasn’t going to say anything, he pressed his lips together in a small smile before opening the door. Yes, he was leaving, meaning her heart could have some rest for once. To let out a sigh, she opened her mouth with a smile of relief, but dwelled in horror as the damn words managed to slip out of her lips.

“You could stay for dinner if you want?”

Yousef froze mid step, snapping his neck to face her in a way that she was sure should have given him whiplash. “What?” he asked with faltering shoulders.

_No, do not repeat your idiotic words, cover it up._

But as fate knew it, her brain and her voice box never seemed to agree as she repeated it. “You could stay for dinner. If you want.” He eyed her, stunned, before closing the door quizzically and leaning against it. “You want me to stay? For dinner?” Why did the doubt in his voice tick her?

“Y-yes.” she stammered out, “You have been really kind to us, and doing way more than necessary, so why not?”

Good good, it was an emotionless motive.

He nodded, still squinting his eyes with doubt. After a moment he moved off the support, walking to the kitchen. “Do you guys have any ingredients?” he asked while running a hand over the white counter.

Did they? Maybe she should’ve planned this out a little better..

“Uhh..” she peered into the fridge sighing in relief when seeing a few ingredients here and there. Combined with some of the foods she had bought home, maybe they could actually make a meal.

Lifting herself back up, she spoke while closing the door, “I mean we have a few-” the words were swallowed up in her throat when she walked into his solid frame, letting out an ‘oof’ before realising what happened. “Sorry” he laughed out breathlessly, placing his hands on her biceps to stabilize her.

There it was again, that electricity.

It course from each fibre of her skin that made contact with his hand, spiking into the rest of her body. She looked up to him, eyes marvelling at the way his curly brown hair framed his face like art. The longer his hands stayed on her, the more convinced Sana became that she was going to faint. Seeing _that_ look in her eyes, he shot his hands back abruptly, stepping away slightly. “Sorry” he repeated, looking to the side while rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. For some reason, she had the greatest urge to shout at him, so he would just stop apologizing. Of course she appreciated it, but some part of her ached when hearing with how much conviction he would say the word every time.

A gasp was made by him, as he rubbed his hands together enthusiastically. “Okay I have an idea.” he stated with a feverish look, “Do you guys have potatoes?” She stared at the cabinets for a moment while thinking, “Uh no?”

“Okay do you have-” he paused thinking otherwise. Instead of continuing, he brushed past her and scampered through the cabinets, drawers, and the fridge. He let out a defeated sigh while his nose was in the fridge. “Okay..” he said with a laugh of annoyance, “you guys have literally nothing in your kitchen, so I’m going to go get some ingredients from the market across the street okay?” Before she could even speak, he dashed to grab his jacket and ran out the front door.

He came as quickly as he went. And when he opened the front door, Sana widened her eyes as she saw the three bags filled with ingredients. “Yousef.” she said in disbelief, and he suddenly did a double take at hearing his name from her mouth. Sana had almost forgotten that they rarely called each other by their names. “What are we going to do with all the leftover stuff?” she asked, completely pretending like him staring at her never happened.

Yousef rushed into the kitchen, ignoring her words. “Okay..” he said, washing his hands under the warm water before opening his bags like a child getting gifts.

Sana walked over to the kitchen, leaning against a counter as she asked him, “Can I ask what you’re making?” He turned to look at her, eyes wide with an ecstatic expression. “I am making a bulgur pilaf, with green beans and red onions.”

“ _What_?” she blurted out in confusion. When he understood that all the words he had said were foreign to her, he brushed her off and opened the packages. “It is amazing, delicious and super quick to make.” he muttered while hastily ripping open a package of something that looked like rice. “This” he pointed at the package, “is bulgur, one of my favourite things in this entire world.”

It seemed as if he was in Masterchef as he worked rapidly, turning the stove on and dicing the vegetables. “Yousef.” she said, resting a hand on his forearm, he paused looking up to her with wide eyes, “Calm down.” she laughed out reassuringly, nodding her head slowly. “There’s no hurry, take your time.”

He nodded, shoulders faltering and smiling sheepishly, “Sorry-I’m just used to cooking really quickly...’Cause usually I’m making things for kids and they are some needy little munchkins.”

That made her laugh, as she rest against the edge where the two counters met. Yousef diced the red onion with a small smile, pausing, “You want to help?” he asked, stepping near her slightly.

Now Sana wasn’t the _greatest_ cook out there- okay actually she was horrible.

Last time when she had attempted to aid her brother in cooking for his girlfriend, she had somehow burned the onions to char. But obviously she wasn’t going to tell Yousef that, so with a hesitant smile she took the knife he handed to her.

_Do not cut yourself. Do. Not. Cut. Yourself._

They silently and mechanically worked on the dish, and by the time Yousef had added all the ingredients to the pan, Sana’s stomach growled. “Somebody’s hungry..” he teased poking her gently in the side with his elbow.

Somehow they had edged closer together; Sana moved away from the counter by the time the pilaf was done, shoulder brushing Yousef’s as they watched his hand stir the scrumptious looking dish. “Who taught you this?” she asked to break the silence to which he turned his head towards her, a smile of reminiscence appeared on his lips. “Uhh my anne*-” he shook his head quickly, “Sorry, I mean my mamma, I think that’s how you say it right?” She closed her eyes reassuringly as he continued, “Anyways, she- and my babba both love cooking a lot, it’s a Turkish thing. So growing up I’ve always watched them make all these delicious things and I...I just fell in love with the art of cooking the moment I made my first dish.”

It almost took Sana’s breath away by how much passion rang with each word of his. Her eye’s couldn’t help but observe the way that his adam's apple bobbed, and how his lips widened as a smile appeared on them, making his slightly crooked (but incredibly adorable) teeth peek out. There was the slightest of glistening on his temple from the steam flying up from the pilaf, and she had the greatest urge to swipe it away with the pad of her thumb.

Words of his became muffled in her ear as he continued his narration, the only thing she could do was stare intentively and observe the smallest of his actions. The way he spoke, the way he moved, everything was just so.. alluring and _incredibly_ attractive. She could watch him for hours.

Suddenly Yousef turned to meet her eyes in the midst of talking, and his small smile faltered seeing the tender eyes already on him. It all too quickly felt like the the day before, but the terrifying part was that Sana knew there was going to be no interruption. No way to stop herself from doing the stupidest of rash actions.

Because when her throat closed from the intensity of his damn soft eyes, she took a step into the warmth he emanated. She noticed the ways his lips limped when seeing that she took the step, eyes flashing down to her bare lips. Never in her life had Sana been so tempted to just say ‘fuck it’ and pull him into a warm, deep, and slow kiss.

If only she took one step closer. Then she could feel his soft hair on the pads of her fingers. And maybe she could feel his wettened lip pressed against her’s in a burning ki-

“Fuck.” he said abruptly, shaking his head with a breathless laugh. She blinked, as if she had been watching a scene play out in the cinema, the slow motion type, only to have it shut off abruptly. Yousef leaned away from her, brushing his long fingers through his hair before finally meeting her gaze again, “You _need_ to stop looking at me like that Sana Bakkoush because-” he gulped,

“Because if you don’t, I will not be able to stop myself from kissing you then.”

Licking his lips he took the forgotten wooden spoon and continued stirring, leaving Sana stunned.

She froze whilst watching him collect himself, rolling his shoulders back and clearing his throat.

What was she doing? That was completely and utterly idiotic of her to do. _She was Sana Bakkoush_ , she took her times with things, she planned, dammit she didn’t jump into things, ever.

Sana took a harsh breath, moving back until her hip hit the counter.

Of course it got awkward after that. Everytime he’d accidentally brush a hand on her when grabbing something, a small apology would escape under his breath, and of course she’d say sorry back, so then he would say ‘no it’s my fault’ and _AGGHHHHHHH_.

Why was it that their interactions were so fragile? That with the smallest of some intensity present in the moment, things would just _have to_ become incredibly uncomfortable between them. It was exhausting and frustrating, and it made things worse when she figured that his expressions showed the prominence of the same feelings.

“I-I’m sorry,” she murmured when he was spooning the pilaf onto their two dishes. He paused quirking an eyebrow up, “Hm?” he asked. Sana shrugged her shoulders, guilt-ridden “I’m sorry for going all up in your personal space like that-it was very uncool and totally wrong of me.”

Yousef laughed softly, placing the pan back on the stove before walking up to her. Sana could smell his petrichor-like scent with each step he took. Yousef gently took a hand of Sana’s as he neared her, brushing his thumb over the hard knuckles.

She could get use to the feeling.

“Sana.” he said with amusement, eyes watching her warmly, “Let's get this straight, okay? It's not that I don’t want to kiss you because-” he laughed breathlessly, “I _really_ do. But I’d prefer for it to be after our perfect first date you know?”

An airy laugh escaped her chest as she heard his blunt words. “First date, already?” she mumbled, eyes not being to help themselves but watch his lips as he spoke. “Mhm, and it’ll be an amazing one too.”

God she loved the way he was so sure with his words, it was an admirable trait of his. Wait...did he just ask her out?

He let go of her hand after a moment making her blink, passing one of the plates to her. “Prepare to get your mind blown Sana Bakkoush, because this is the greatest dish ever.”

It. Was. Incredible.

Sana had never tasted a meal like pilaf ever, so simple yet so filled with flavour. Okay she'd also  _maybe_  be lying if she didn't say that the fact that she was eating it alongside him made it even better.

“Wait.” he placed his fork down, not being able to hold his laughter any longer, “Y-you guys sold _toilet_ _paper_ then?”

“Shut up okay!” her cheeks were hurting from smiling, “It was actually a very smart idea.”

“Okay maybe it was, but it’s just so much stress. I’m so glad that we never made a bus, way too much of an effort.” he scraped the last of the food off of his plate.

Her grin twitched slightly as she watched him. The question sat on her tongue, it had been since the day before when he spoke about his time in Norway. Sipping her water, Sana asked, “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” he stated. He stood up from his seat, sliding her plate under his before walking over to the kitchen. She followed, rubbing her cold arms nervously, “I uhh..” he turned around from placing the dishes in the sink, eyeing her quizzically as she stammered, “What made you come back here?”

And she could see it. It was so frighteningly noticeable that she instantly regretted saying the words. His back tense up as he heard her, head ducked down whilst washing the plates in silence.

Sana wanted to take it back, she really did, but at the same time she was dying to know. She stood in her spot, watching him silently avoid speaking.

All of a sudden he placed the dish down, switched the tap off, paused, then turned around to face her. The hesitance and reluctance was written all over his face.

Yousef rubbed a hand over his face before opening his mouth to speak, “I-I” he shook his head rapidly whilst trying to conjure the words, “Well..let's just say it. I was in love, and the person left me, so I couldn’t stay there any longer.” It was as if he had said the phrase multiple times before, as he shrugged his shoulders calmly.

Sana couldn’t help the surprised expression that displayed on her face. He had been in love? He had been in a relationship? Why did it make her stomach feel so twisted?

But what rang through her brain at an extremely high-pitch was mostly one question: Was he _still_ in love?

Yousef read her mind, adding more words quickly, “I was, in love. I-it was a few years ago anyways.” he emphasized on the ‘was’, and for some reason it cooled Sana’s anxious nerves. When she met his eyes, she figured that that was the last of it, and that he didn’t want to delve any further into it. Before she could apologize, he chuckled to ease the tension, “Now don’t start saying sorry okay? Everyone gets curious about things, and it's natural to ask. Anyways, you apologize too much.”

Sometimes she wondered if he knew how smooth he could be sometimes, and how he was the same person who could also become a complete dork. She let out a small laugh, brushing off his words.

“Yah, it’s a habit.” she mumbled, looking down to the floor. She walked to the spot beside him by the sink saying, “I’ll dry?”

They created a mechanical system of washing, drying, and placing back into it’s spot pretty quickly. A few small banters were thrown in every several minutes, creating a much more comforting environment between the two.

“Eva told me you guys are going to Antalya tomorrow?” he asked while handing her the last spoon. Her nod appeared a little too enthusiastic for her taste but she didn’t mind, Antalya had been a place on her bucket list for all too long. “Yup, for three days.” she added, biting her smiling bottom lip. They were three days where Sana would bond with the girls in entirety, no one to distract them. Of course the company of the guys was great, but the trip was for girl-time. Precise fingers of her placed the spoon back in it’s place inside the drawer while she spoke, “There are a few mosques there that I have always wanted to go to, have you been?”

For some reason Yousef froze for a noticeable amount of time, before shaking his head slowly. “Uh, no I have not.”

That was weird. Everyone went to the mosques in Antalya at least once, and he lived in Istanbul so he had to have went as a child. “Really?” she asked, quirking her eyebrow at him, “They are so famous. Literally all muslims want to go there at least once in their lives.”

Instantly Yousef’s face paled whilst reading her lips, mouth faltering open. “What?” she laughed out nervously. Nervous Yousef made her stressed out.

He blinked, shaking his head in a quick motion, “Uh nothing. I just-I think I have to leave?”

What happened? What wasn’t he just telling her already?

He placed the towel down on the counter and dashed past her to the couch where his coat laid. “Yousef-” she called in an attempt to halt his fast actions. When he didn’t respond she rushed over to the couch, grabbing his forearm gently. Maybe it was because of that always present electricity, or maybe it was something else, but Yousef stopped and turned to meet her eyes directly.

And Sana knew it in that moment. Whatever he was preparing himself to say was not going to be good. It was going to hit her. Hit her hard and painfully.

“I thought you knew already.” he said defensively, breath shaky and loud. “Knew what?” she asked when he moved away from her towards the door. Her eyes landed upon his hand on the door know, knuckles white as snow. He turned around once again, eyes searching her’s for some light of hope, or reason. It scared her.

Turns out it wasn’t good. It hit her hard, and it hit her all too painfully. Yousef took one last lingering look on her before whispering so quietly, so faintly, “I thought you knew that I don’t believe in Allah.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

*means mother in Turkish 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So about the outline, I have decided to change my original direction of the story to something a little bit more angsty and dramatic. Because what I'm going to do is incorporate some of the season 4 plot into the story, but it will have a more logical ending than what happened in the show (because it was a m e s s). And don't worry, I love Sana so there won't be all that suffering all alone type garbage in this.
> 
> Thank you for waiting patiently, honestly I hate making people wait for anything so I'm glad this is finally done!!
> 
> Idk how my updating will work, probably is going to be wonky still lol so sorry in advance for the inconvenience.
> 
> And as always, have a great day/night! <333


	5. I Need To Know, Where Do You Wanna Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Los losers, broken bones, surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You don't know how bad I feel for taking this long to write the chapter (which is pretty average tbqh). But literally it took me SO long to write it, and I honestly don't know why. Maybe because it was a pretty nerve-wracking chapter to write, and because I don't want to half-ass anything.  
> I want to thank Nora and Zifu for giving me advice on some part of this chapter, because I really needed it.  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy!

_05:27_

**Yousef:** Hi, just wanted to say that I hope you guys have a safe flight  <3

_06:01_

**Yousef:** Also wanted to apologize for running out like that yesterday.

 **Yousef:** That was really stupid of me to do

_07:54_

**Yousef:** Anyways, I’m guessing you’re already at the airport so don’t want to disturb the gang

_08:39_

**Yousef:** Okay I know I said I would stop

 **Yousef:** But can you try to get Chris a middle seat? It’ll help ease her motion sickness.

 **Yousef:** Now I’m done lol.

 **Yousef:** Anyways, bye and have a great time!  <3 Also send pictures! :)

 

“Are you going to avoid him forever?”

Sana huffed in annoyance, shoving the phone into her backpack while shooting a glare at Chris and Vilde who were staring at her from their seats on her left side. “I’m not avoiding him..” she muttered, clicking in her seat belt.

The stuffy and harsh air of the airplane filled her lung as she took a deep breath, leaning her head back against the headrest. Her nerves were on edge; planes, flying at such high altitudes, her motion sickness, and now the whole thing with Yousef, were not that great of a combination. Also the fact that she hadn’t slept all night did not help in any ways.

The entire night she had laid on her back, eyes refusing to close for more than a blink. How could it have been that out all of the seventy-eight million people in Turkey, a Muslim-populated country, she just _had_ to have grown feelings for the one non-believer?

Why did she have to face a situation like this? Hadn’t she already faced the countless enigmas of life? Of course when she was just aligning things, settling her situations down, life hurled another obstacle at her.

Sana felt a warm hand rest upon her arm which laid on the hand of the seat. She looked up to meet Chris’ warm eyes. The girl quirked the smallest of a smile before speaking slowly, “You know you don’t have to tell us what is happening, but we are here for you..okay?”

Sana was a lone wolf, she had always been. Growing up, and having to deal with the issues she had to faced made a person like that. Early on she had understood how much easier life was when individuals didn’t rely on others, because then there was no way of being disappointed or feeling abandoned. Of course her friends and Elias attempted to make her talk about her struggles, but Sana knew better and isolated herself more. But things went for the worst. After a god forsaken party at a karaoke, Sana broke. It was easy pretending that she was this strong headed and badass woman initially; people never overstepped their boundaries and they were terrified of her. But what happened was that people also then just assumed that she was emotionless, that she wasn’t just this fragile human being. That party cracked something within her, it was that final breaking point of holding that persona she had once carried around with pride. So when one day Vilde came to her house out of the blue, Sana had never been more thankful in her entire life. Vilde didn’t speak to her, at all, rather just sat by her on the unmade bed in silence. Sana had tried so hard to keep it all in for several too long years, that once she whispered out a phrase, it all came spilling out of her in one go. The dull ache in her throat that she had bottled up released, and she cried. She cried, and cried, and cried beside her friend. Vilde had held her tightly, only nodding warmly.

It was freeing. To not have to carry that solid boulder of weight on her shoulders every passing day was something new, something wonderful. It was even more freeing when she then spoke in the same manner in front of the other girls, as saying it became easier and easier. They taught her that not everything can be done alone, that people need people.

And suddenly she wasn’t this lone wolf anymore, but a member of a pack. Her friends had become her pack members, and they became this solid unbreakable force.

Of course Sana was still quite isolated, more than the girls liked, but she also knew that no matter how bad things got she still had her Los Losers by her side.

Sana let out an almost relaxed breath, keeping Chris’ warm gaze. “Thank you,” she mumbled to her friend before placing her head on the petite girl’s shoulder, eyes closing. No matter what, no matter what happened with Yousef, she had her girls.

                                                                                                               --

Walking on the ground after flights was always relieving for Sana. Taking in that fresh air, being able to move around, and not being contained in a small tube made her heart beat a little easier every time. But it was worth it, as Sana had wanted to come to Antalya for a while. There was just something so magical and alluring about the city that she was compelled to add it into their three week trip. The mosques, the history, the architecture all contained in such a small area fascinated Sana almost too much.

It was also relieving to have those three days, as it was three days away from Yousef, so three days of a clear, logical mind. He was suppose to drop her and the girls to the airport, and the morning before when they had planned it out together she couldn’t have been more happy as they walked through the spice bazaar. But oh how a night can change things.

Eva had told her when they were gathering their bags in the villa that Yousef had some family emergency so they had to grab a taxi to go to the airport, and to say Sana was alleviated was an understatement.

Maybe she would tell the girls. Yet she knew that if she did explain the issue to the girls they would attempt to budge in and fix things between her and Yousef. No, the trip was the five of them’s time to bond, to relax, and to be just the Los Losers once again.

Luckily the hotel Sana had booked was not too too far away from the airport, so they made it in half an hour. Eva and Noora had been snoring away in the back of the taxi while Sana, Chris and Vilde took in the view of the beachy landscape. Antalya, while also a very interesting area to explore, was also a very relaxing and luxurious city. Beaches, spas, many many restaurants filled the edges of the small area. So while Sana loved the way exploring Istanbul was, she had wanted to find a place where they could all treat themselves.

Chris squeezed her bicep as they slowed down in front of the breathtaking hotel, squealing. “Sana!” she whisper-yelled in order for the taxi driver not to hear, “This is incredible girl!” Sana nodded back excitedly, doing a little dance, “I know right?! This is going to be the best three days.”

They all jumped out of the vehicle, while Vilde poked the couple in the back awake. Noora groggily shrugged off Vilde’s hand before she saw the building in front of them, eyes almost popping out of her sockets.

“Fy faen this is- _Babe_!” she smacked Eva awake who also mirrored Noora’s initial reaction. Chris motioned them to hurry impatiently as she walked to the front gate. “What this place called?” Vilde asked Sana whilst they pulled their luggage forward. She turned giddily to her friend, “Um I think it’s pronounce ‘Alp Paşa’? Anyways, the rating are amazing for this place plus it was an affordable price.”

“Always the genius,” Vilde pointed out as they walked into the front lobby.

                                                                                                               --

Sana had been to some pretty unbelievable hotels in her 22 years of life. But those were inconsequential compared to Alp Paşa. Astonishing, overwhelmingly gorgeous, and magnificent were words not even close to giving justice to the place. It was warm, antique, and inviting, while having a touch of youthfulness in the atmosphere.

She had booked three rooms, and graciously Vilde and Chris had given Sana the spare one, saying that they’d be totally fine staying together. So when Sana opened the door of her room, she couldn’t have been more glad that she had taken the offer. The place was simple, only furnished with necessary items like a bed, night table and wardrobe which made it look even more classier. Sana closed the door behind her, taking in a deep breath while resting her head against it. Hopefully the three days would aide Sana in clearing her messy mind.

                                                                                                               --

After taking a shower Sana did the one thing that made her forget her worries, calmed her down, brought peace back in her life; she prayed. Initially she had planned on going to Yivli Minaret which was this gorgeous mosque in the city for her first prayer, but thought otherwise when she yawned five times while taking a shower.

There was something so beautiful and magical about the way she felt when praying. While only a mere few minutes long, Sana almost always felt this instant reconnection back with her faith the moment she started whispering the words.

But unfortunately when she thought of faith, of her beautiful religion, her mind veered back to Yousef. So while sitting on the red mat that had been rolled up in the corner of her room, she contemplated about him. Her Mamma had always told her about the complexity of religion, not just Islam but all religions. How often times the simplicity and purity of a religion gets spun into a complicated and political mess, by spiteful and selfish people. Simplicity is what she wanted to use as a tool to solve the mess she has been placed in.

But it _was_ Sana. Things never were solved simply for her, which was in fact her own fault most of the time, because Sana was a stresser. She stressed, and stressed, and stressed. From the smallest thing like booking their flight for the trip, to making sure her shoelace was tied when she played basketball, to the bigger issues like to trying to help Noora escape an emotionally abusive relationship.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted as her phone buzzed. She blinked out the daze, before grabbing her phone from the bed.

_Elias calling_

Sana smiled, chest already feeling lighter just from the sight of her brother’s name.

“Halla,” she said, wedging the phone between her cheek and shoulder while she rolled up the mat. “Halla!” came his loud voice, making her wince. He was always the energetic one between them.

“How is my lovely sister doing today?” he added with a sickly sweet tone. She squinted her eyes in doubt even though he obviously couldn’t see her face, “What do you want Elias,” she muttered with a tired sigh. He gasped, “Excuse me?! I can’t just call my sister to make sure she’s okay? I guess kindness is dead in this world..”

“Oh my god calm your dramatic ass down” she fakely scoffed, teeth biting down her smile.

One time in Sana’s life, she had avoided speaking to Elias. He always could pick up when things went wrong for her, and he wasn’t like her friends who didn’t push their limits, he became a detective. So she isolated herself from him in that dull year, almost cutting off all communication between them. She could still remember the look on his face when she one day came inside his room silently, after having finally spoken and confessed her feelings to the girls, and asked him if he wanted to play basketball with her. They started speaking again after that afternoon, and Sana could tell how relieved and overjoyed Elias was. After all he had seen one of his closest friends experience the same thing.

“Okay, okay, I do have to ask a favour- but first tell me how Turkey is! The only time I’ve ever been told about the place is from Even.”

“Honestly, it’s incredible. I love Istanbul so so much, and just... everything about the city is breathtaking.”

She could tell he was nodding as he hummed in awe. “Well I am damn jealous of you right now Sana Bakkoush, and you have to inform me of all the best places in the area before I go next year, okay?”

Sana nodded warmly to herself, “Don’t worry I will. But I’m pretty sure Arfa would have already planned everything out for you two.”

His comforting laugh rung in her ear, “Well that is true, she is a planner.”

“That’s why she and I get along so well. How is she by the way?”

“She’s great, she misses you alo- oh that reminds me! I need you to do something for me, for Arfa.”

“Okay..” she said nervously.

“So since she’s half Turkish, and it’s her birthday soon, can you get this one Misbaha for me? I’m sending you the pic right now. They have these special hand-crafted ones in Turkey that she’s always wanted. So can get one for her, for me? Please, please, please. I promise to pay back this time, really.”

Sana felt her heart flutter, hearing the endearing words from her brother. Elias for many years had drifted away from his faith, maybe because he was a teen at that time, but it happened. Her Mamma had been so worried for him, as Elias had once been the most enthusiastic out of the the three siblings when it came to praying. He at one point was the most connected to his faith, and used it in his everyday life. She and her mom had almost lost hope after one point about him becoming the strong believer he once was, who followed the ways of Islam.

But then Arfa came into Elias’ life. They had met at a party, and Sana remembered how angry Elias was when he came home that day. He ranted to Sana for almost an entire hour about how know-it-all, stubborn, and stuck up this mysterious Arfa was. But then slowly Sana noticed the girl by Elias’ side more and more as the days passed, to the point Even was friends with her. The thing was that Afra was the complete, one hundred and eighty degree type, opposite of Elias. They had absolutely nothing in common in any ways. So it left Sana pretty stunned and mum the day when Elias came home with the girl he once shouted about for days, to tell their parents that he was dating Arfa. Obviously Sana’s parents were worried, he didn’t have the best history with relationships after all. But Sana noticed something quite quickly the more Arfa was around. Elias prayed more, not begrudgingly, but with endearment and enthusiasm, like he had when they were children. He would come to the mosque more, volunteer more, help their Mamma more, it was beautiful. As their relationship grew, Arfa’s bond with Sana and her parents grew too. She was basically part of the family. Sometimes Sana wondered if Arfa even knew how grateful her Mamma was for coming into Elias’ life.

“See that was going to be my present for her,” she paused, hearing him panic before continuing, “But I will do this for you, as a favour.”

“Oh my god thank you, thank you Sana. You’re the best.”

“Duh,” she sang, “I already knew that dummy.”

“Don’t so cocky Bakkoush.” They chuckled quietly, both just taking in the moment.

“So everything is fine there?” he asked, breaking the peaceful silence. “Yah don’t worry, me and the girls are all fine, and are living the treat yo’ self life,” she said reassuringly.

“Good good,” he laughed.

Sana’s smile faltered as she heard him suddenly clear his throat the way he always did when he was hesitating. “Hey...can I ask you something- completely random?”

She furrowed her eyebrows, “Uh, yah?”

“Is there..Eva told me- The tour guy-” he paused, calming himself, “Uhh, what’s the name of that tour guide Eva hired?”

Why was he so nervous? When Elias was careful, everyone became worried.

Sana licked her lips, heart sinking with an ominous feeling, “His name is Yousef.”

Even saying his name made her stomach do that flippy thingy. She dropped down onto her bed, back hitting the mattress while she listened for his reaction.

He did it again, that nervous clearing of his throat. Sana subconsciously grabbed onto the cloth of the bed, like she was preparing herself. AS if he was going to say the worst of worst. There was a deep exhale from his side of the line, before Elias spoke carefully. “Sana, uh do you remember that time E-”

“- _Sana_! Come on we are starving!” Sana felt the phone slip out of her grasp, bouncing onto the mattress as she jumped out of startlement. There was another loud knock on her door, along with sounds of chattering. She froze for a minute, before shouting out, “I-I’m coming give me a minute!” Her hands scrambled to hold the phone upright, the voice on the line going from muffled to clear.

“-Sana? Sana can you hear me?” he yelled, before she flailed her hands, “Sorry, sorry, I dropped the phone.”

“Oh okay. Look...Sana I _really_ think you should talk t-” The knock became louder from the other side of Sana’s door, as her jaw clenched in annoyance. “Elias I have to go,” she snapped, cutting him off, “These girls are like children I swear to god. No patience!” And before he could say more than a goodbye, she ended the call, storming up from her bed to throw open the door.

“Guys!” she hollered, gaining their attention, “You know patience is a thing right?!” Vilde looked down at her shoes like a scolded child, “Sorry… we’re all starving and Eva can be the worst when she’s hungry-”

“ _Hey_!” Eva cried, crossing her arms over her chest.

Yah maybe they were actually children.

Sana groaned, rubbing her bare face. “Okay let’s go, let’s go!” They all sprung up instantly, following a way too excited Vilde down the stairs to the breakfast area of the hotel.

And as Sana skipped down the intricately designed stairs, she couldn’t help but wonder what Elias was going to say.

                                                                                                               --

It always boggled Sana’s mind of how easy it became to forget problems when she was surrounded by the four girls. As if issues just became..lighter, almost nonessential. While sitting at the five-chaired table for their breakfast, her world suddenly became this small bubble of her and her friends, like therapy for her chaotic mind.

After eating maybe a bit too much, they set off explore the divine Antalya.

                                                                                                               --

 

The city was everything Sana had imagined, but more.

It was this perfect combination of modern and antique, and they complimented each other almost too easily. Being the stubborn way she was, Sana got the first pick for where they went. So they ended up going to Hadrian’s Gate, which to everyone’s dismay, became Vilde’s favourite place in the city. After they went to Noora’s choice, Kaleici, which was the center on the city where most of it’s history laid. They spent a good two hours there, walking around in fascination while searching through the buildings. Sana couldn’t understand how one place could hold so much beauty so effortlessly. So much history intricately wedge between each street.

Coincidentally, when they were passing by the mosque Yivli Minaret in a taxi, Sana’s phone rung saying it was her time to pray. They all widened their eyes at the incident, before jumping out of the vehicle. “Sana! Go, go! It’s the perfect timing!” Chris hollered, shooing her towards the glorious building. It went against Sana’s planning of course. She had wanted to go the next day early in the morning to the mosque, as praying the first thing in the day cleared her mind. And praying in such a beautiful place, would basically rejuvenate her. She froze for a minute while staring at the tall, almost castle-like building. There was something so incredibly astonishing about being able to pray in different mosques and see new devoted people. As if, the moment you stepped into one, the atmosphere around you suddenly shifted to one of peace and tranquility.

Following her performing Wudu, she rolled out a mat in the pin-drop silent room, closing her eyes. And she suddenly could breath easier.

                                                                                                               --

The three days in Antalya sped by all too quickly for Sana’s liking.

Though the days passed in the blink of the eye, they were days Sana would always keep preciously close to her heart. It was as if the girls had never left school, like they were once again in that cafeteria, joking about some ridiculous thing they saw on facebook. Back in their Los Loser van.

Considering how much time they spent relaxing in the hotel, Sana was surprised of how much they managed to see through the city. After praying in the mosque on the first day, they had all collectively decided to stay in the hotel for the rest of the afternoon, and just laid around lazily together. Those were the moments Sana wished she could encapsulate.

The day after they had went to the Antalya Muzesi (museum), followed by the MiniCity and then HIdirlik Kulesi. On the last day they went to Perge Ancient City, Aspendos Ruins and Theatre, and finally they ended the day with the Manavgat Waterfall and River (where Vilde almost fell into the river when she leaned a little too much into the railing). It was a different experience in Antalya, as they had to create and follow through with their own plan, instead of following Yousef like they had in Istanbul.

Yousef. That name had been ringing in Sana’s head for all too long. It was like the universe was mocking her. No matter where she went, even though she was in a completely different city than him, something, the _tiniest_ of a thing popped his stupid face back into her mind. Why did her brain connect everything back to him?

What made it worse was that the girls noticed. They never said anything, as seven years of knowing Sana Bakkoush made them understand that unless she voluntarily spoke about it, they would never get answers. But they made that face that infuriated Sana. That mixed expression of pity, confusion, and hesitance.

She hated keeping things from them. Experiences had taught her in the most harsh ways why she shouldn’t have. But would they understand? Would they even realise how big of a crisis it was?

                                                                                                               --

She could tell something happened. They were planning something. Not some horrible, twisted ‘saazish’ type plan, no, but it was something they most definitely knew she’d hate. The sideway glances at each other, and whispers did not escape the all too observant Sana.

So when they were all lying (and groaning) on Noora and Eva’s bed after eating a way too large lunch on their last day in Antalya, Sana knew it was going to happen.

“Yah we maybe should have paced ourselves..” Vilde mumbled, rubbing her belly slowly while staring up at the ceiling. They all nodded begrudgingly. Sana lifted herself up in order to rest her back against the wall, nausea hitting her from lying down. She watched all the girls below her, all tangled up from long arms, as they giggled out droopy words.

That. That was all Sana had wanted from the trip, that feeling of once again being those silly teens who use to joke about boys and teachers. Those were her best memories.

“Well at least we’re all suffering together,” she pointed out, fingers running through Noora’s pale hair. She looked up backwards to Sana, slight smile dancing on her lips. “Speaking of suffering..” she lifted herself up in order to sit beside Sana, eyes observing Sana who dropped her smile hesitantly. So that was it. To make them all sit around her, to make her talk.

She wasn’t ready to talk about with the girls. Not when they were having the best time, not when she knew what it could lead to. So instead of letting Noora finish her sentence, Sana coughed before interrupting her. “Yes-suffering. So Vilde?” she diverted her gaze to her friend, poking her shoulder, “How are things with Emine? You miss her?” A series of snickers escaped each girl as they turned their heads to watch Vilde. Good, less attention on Sana then.

Vilde bit her bottom lip with a wicked grin, eyes sweeping across the intricate designs of the ceiling, “Things are going..well I guess.” She shrugged her shoulder nonchalantly, “I want to take things slow you know? I feel like I always rush into relationships instead of keeping them chilled for some time.” It was true. Sana had watched painfully over the past years when Vilde began relationships, most of the time too excitedly. Of course it was because Vilde was this innocent girl who loved people, but Sana knew that that diving quickly into serious relationships, ended up hurting her friend one too many times. Vilde grabbed Chris’ hand from the end of the bed, “And yah I do miss her, but I-I’m trying to stay detached.”

“I’m proud of you Vilde,” Eva said, smiling fondly.

Oh but of course Noora didn’t let it go, so she broke the peaceful silence, asking the one thing Sana desperately avoided wanting to hear. “So Sana..” she sang, poking Sana’s leg, “How about you?” The hesitance in her voice was uncanny, making the girls all freeze while turning to look towards them. A nod was passed between them as they figured it was happening.

She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to sound like some primitive person who believed in prejudices and dividing beliefs. But it was unrealistic, them being together. Her faith wasn’t just part of her identity, but it contributed to every single decision she made in life. It was her foundation. How could she be with someone when their foundation, their motivation for their actions were based off of something completely different?

“Oh god she’s doing it again,” Vilde muttered, rolling her eyes in exasperation. Sana opened her mouth in offense, “What thing?” she asked sheepishly. The girls exchanged a knowing glance at each other, before Eva sighed. “You do this thing where you kind of daze off because of your habit of internalizing things. So like, we’ll ask you something, or we’ll bring up a certain topic and you’ll do this weird smile thing before looking off into the open and not speaking.”

Was she that transparent? Sana felt a flush spread across her face in embarrassment, as she squirmed uncomfortably under their knowing gazes. “I-I do not!” she stammered out with fake sternity. “Sure..” Vilde muttered, shaking her head. Noora smacked her arm impatiently, “Ow!” Sana yelled out glaring at the girl while rubbing her sore arm. “Will you just tell us what happened already? You’ve been so stressed since we have come here.” Noora said tiredly, hand resting on top of Sana’s.

They were right. Sana did internalize things quite a bit, it was a habit. But she had this constant need to keep people happy, at rest, so telling her problems felt like such a frivolous task.

“I-” she shook her head, not knowing what to say, “It started off being a great night.” For some reason her voice grew louder and faster with each words. Something pushed the words she had shoved down her throat up until it met with her voice box. And it all came pouring out at once.

“We had this..these great moments and genuinely I thought things were going well. But then he dropped a bomb on me all of a sudden and then just left. Like, who does that?! Out of the blue he said that he doesn’t believe in Allah, never explained himself, and just..took off! I mean of course I respect his beliefs, everyone is different in life, but he _knew_ from the starting of how religious I am. And-and yah I shouldn’t have just assumed that he was muslim, but come.on. This country is _ninety-six percent muslim_ , ninety-six. And of course I just had to meet the one person who doesn’t believe in the thing I hold so dear to me. But then I’m thinking, why am I getting so worked up over this? First of all, he’s just a guy I have a crush on, and second, why does him not believing in Allah affect me so much? Statistically interfaith relationships work out pretty well you know? But then what if we are not able to respect each other-”

“PAUSE,” Vilde hollered, slapping a hand over Sana’s mouth. Sana blinked, not having realized that her breath was so shallow from blurting everything out at once. The girls had all sat up in the bed, encircling her with wide and confused eyes. She dropped her shoulders sheepishly, taking in deep breathes. “Okay..” Vilde sighed out, dropping her hand off Sana’s mouth. They all scooched in closer in the circle, as Vilde took her hand calmly, “Sana? Calm.” she said slowly, nodding carefully before continuing, “Explain slowly, what happened.”

“Okay,” Sana sighed out, rolling her shoulders, “So uh- to make it short and quick, I asked him if he had been to this one mosque, you know as a conversation starter, and he panicked and told me he hasn’t because he doesn’t believe in Allah and then left.” They all collectively moved back slightly, eyebrows risen. It had always been a tad bit uncomfortable talking about religion with them as their views were quite different than her’s. On the offhand day, they did all discuss things about religion, about but it was always on the surface. And while they all supported her so much, it wasn’t the same as speaking to another muslim. But of course she had Jamilla for that.

“Oh,” Eva mumbled, not knowing what to say. An awkward silence filled the room, whilst they all sat frozen in their spots.

That was why Sana didn’t discuss certain things with the girls. While she didn’t want them to be uncomfortable about speaking their views, she also didn’t want to be uncomfortable in telling her _own_ views. “Uh-” Vilde scratched her head nervously, “And is...that a big deal?”

She wanted to scoff, pull that angry face that was her second nature, but instead Sana took a deep breath. She breathed, realizing Vilde didn’t know any better.

“Is it,” she responded, “It’s a pretty big deal.” Again, they stayed mum. Sana wanted to scream, to make them say something instead of watching her oddly in silence. As if she was an alien. Noora coughed, breaking the eerie quietness, “Okay I don’t want to seem like I’m instigating, but can I say something?” Sana watched her carefully before nodding. “Okay” she said, sighing, “I understand what you mean, I mean not _really_ because I’m not muslim, but logically your worries make sense. When people’s core values differ, being together is not really plausible.” Before Sana could agree, she raised her hand up, “ _But_ , your guys’ situation is a little different Sana.” Sana furrowed her brows, shaking her head, “How so?”

Vilde spoke, “Because you guys are made for each other!” she said flailing her hands, “I don’t know if you realize how alike, and how much you two compliment each other.” Chris nodded excitedly adding in, “Yah! Sana, literally every time he talks we all look kind of look at each other with _that_ look, because it couldn’t be more obvious of how alike similar you two are.” Eva moved her hand into the middle of the circle to get their attention, “He is as muslim as one could be Sana. I mean, he doesn’t drink, he’s kind, respectful, giving, stays within boundaries, is considerate-it’s everything you believe a person should be!” Her pleading tone made Sana pause for a minute, eyeing the girls while thinking.

If they were going to be his advocate, she’d be the devil’s advocate. “But even if we share the same values, what if my praying becomes this elephant in the room? Like every time my phone rings for a prayer, he becomes uncomfortable?”

Vilde widened her eyes impatiently, “Oh my god, Sana?! Are we talking about the same guy here? This is Yousef. He is such a respectful person, and in no ways would he ever make you feel like that. Remember when we were in that museum and it was time for your Asr? Even though we were in a crowded place like that, he as quickly as possible found that empty room for you. And you didn’t even tell him, he just knew.”

Dammit, that was true.

It was almost convincing, almost. “I don’t think you guys understand just how much, it’ll affect my daily life though, do you? N-not just my life for right now, but forever. I can already count in my head the many things I won’t be able to do with him, for celebrations, or traditions, because of him being a non-believer. No amount of compensation, or adjustment can change that. Like for example-” she voice became weak suddenly, a dull ache spread through her chest as she spoke, “Elias and Arfa. All these things that they are able to do because of being from the same faith, and I’ll never be able to do them if I’m with him. I won’t be able to go on a trip with him to Makkah. We will never celebrate our first eid together, break our fast together. It will never happen. Even the tiny things, the small things I have waited my whole life for, will be taken away from me. I-I won’t get a tailored Misbaha, I won’t get that Eid Mubarak card . And it’s not even the gifts, fuck gifts. What about kids? What if we have kids? H-how will they be raised! Will I never get to watch him say the azaan into our newborn’s ear?! Of course I wouldn’t want to force them into something they don’t want to practice, but is it wrong to dream of raising my kids with the faith I have grown up practicing?” She stopped, having to gulp in air from the lack of oxygen in her system as she watched their stunned looks.

“Wow. I-I never thought about it that way,” Vilde muttered, head down in shame. Sana didn’t want to sound harsh, but her words came out that way. “Yah. I guess you guys didn’t.”

                                                                                                                --

Silence. They were all sitting in silence, contemplating what Sana could do next. The most logical action would be to break things off swiftly, not lead him on. Or she could just pretend nothing happened and avoid him for the last week of their stay. Yet Sana couldn’t convince her heart to do either.

She hated the feeling, like a ticking time bomb. That in the few final hours before she landed back in the same city as him, some decision had to be made.

Chris rose up slightly from her slouched posture, “How about you just talk to him when we get there huh? You don’t have to resolve anything but just do it. Because honestly I will die if I have to sit awkwardly between you guys in a car, with all that tension.” Sana felt an amusing laugh escape her, at her friend’s words. Maybe she would. It may not end well, but she would talk to him.

And maybe it wasn’t all that bad after all that she told the girls.

                                                                                                                --

The flight had been quick and calm..too calm. Almost like the calm before a storm.

They were rolling their luggage out to the airport when Sana halted in her steps as she caught the gaze of one individual who stood out like a highlighter in the crowd.

“Yousef,” she said breathlessly to Vilde who had been discussing with her about the Yivli Minaret Mosque.

Of course he looked amazing as always. Floppy and curly hair framed his face, with a few strands feathering above his brown eyes. Why did it almost feel like she hadn’t seen his face for months?

But before put her ‘I’m chilled and everything is fine and I’m totally not stressed’ persona, she paused, head tilted to the side as she watched him curiously.

Something was different.

Yousef was usually a pretty let loose person. But standing in front of that airport, his shoulders were rigid, eyes bloodshot, face dropped down lowly. She wanted to run up to him and ask him a million times what happened, to place her hands warmly on his cheeks while consoling him until a smile formed on his face. But Sana already knew the cause of his attire. So she held his dull gaze for a minute before Vilde pushed her forward.

The car ride had been awfully calm. At that point Sana would rather it be awkward than monotone, dull. With Chris sitting in the front, they all hesitatingly created small talk through the ride with him. Talking about frivolous and nonessential things to kill the time while Sana stared at her chipped nails in silence. She hated it. He was literally like a bowl of sunshine, and seeing him so dazed and unfocused squeezed some part of her heart painfully.

He dropped them off, with the most robotic-like smile, before setting off saying he had some work to do.

“Fy faen who was that?!” Eva whispered while they watched him drive away from the window of their villa, “That was definitely not Yousef Acar.” The girls all turned knowingly at Sana, eyes watching her with the -deer and the headlights look- before she sighed annoyingly. “Oh my god _fine_ I will talk to him tomorrow. But, I don’t know if the result with be positive.” Their cheer fell as she finished her sentence, causing a pout to form on their lips. Vilde shrugged her shoulders before grabbing Sana’s hand, “It doesn’t matter if you two do end up together, as long as some resolution happens. Because that was the most uncomfortable fifteen minutes of my life in that car.” True. She nodded agreeingly, sighing.

She would do it. Not because she wanted to, _fuck no_ , but her fear of confrontation was nothing compared to the pain she felt seeing his beautiful brown eyes look so down and melancholy. The end result may be undesirable but she had to do it.

                                                                                                                --

So Sana ended up in the hospital...

No she didn’t break a bone doing some courageous thing like saving a kid or something. She broke a bone _falling off her bike in the middle of the road._ Yah...it wasn’t her greatest moment.

Sana had wanted to be adventurous, and go buy some fresh jam for the girls and her’s breakfast, from the small market a few blocks away by bike. After figuring out a route by the handy google maps, she set off to the bike rack, rented a bike, bought the jam, and was coming home. What happened was that she hadn’t realized how badly people went over the speed limit even in the less populated areas of Istanbul like Fatih, where there weren’t that many roads. So when she was crossing the road and a sudden fast-paced car was rushing right at her from her left, she panicked and swerved over to the curb (which made her bike hit the indent between the road and sidewalk) making her basically fly off the bike. Going by instincts she flashed her hands in front of her as the pavement neared her and before she passed out, she felt the most excruciating pain spread from her right wrist throughout her whole arm.

The next time her eyes opened, all she saw droopily was the four girls peering down at her from above the bed with looks of panic and concern. “Oh thank god,” Vilde muttered with a relieved exhale, hand resting over her heart. They all took a step backward, each muttering something out of relief, before Vilde pulled up a chair beside Sana.

Everything was groggy in her vision, objects doubling and tripling. Maybe how one felt when they were drunk.

“W-” Sana let out a cough, not having realized how dry her throat was. It was like a Sahara Desert in there. Eva rushed to pour her a glass of water, while the girls helped lift Sana’s head up by the neck. She grasped the glass over Eva’s hand, gulping down the cold liquid.

Never had water tasted more delicious. She could feel the coolness of it as it went down her esophagus, quickly relaxing her.

Noora adjusted the cushion behind her head as Sana peered up to meet their distressed eyes. Her voice came out all husky and rough, “What-Why am I-What the hell happened?!” she said, tone a little too high pitched for her liking. They all looked up to meet each other’s eyes from above her, before Chris spoke. “Uhh, you broke your wrist. And luckily you were hearing music and you had your phone with you, so when you were passed out this one kind man rung us up from your emergency contact list.” Eva nodded, adding, “Yah. And thank god you got hurt basically right in front of the villa, so we were able to get you here pretty quickly.” She hesitated before placing a hand on Sana’s cheek, eyes almost watering, “Are you okay Sana? The doctor said it wasn’t that bad but-” she bit her quivering bottom lip. Sana felt her heart clench in pain as she quickly reassured her friend with a nod, “I-I’m fine Eva, really.” She started activating her arm muscles to lift up to give Eva a hug, which turned out to be the stupidest thing she could have ever done.

Because as she moved her right arm, a bolt of pain flashed from her wrist as she cried out. “Sana!” Eva scolded, gently pushing her back down on the bed while Vilde helped rest her wrist, “You idiot your wrist is broken, why would you do that?!” Sana moaned while pressing her head into the soft pillow. She shut her eyes closed while biting down on her bottom lip until the excruciating pain faded back to a dull throb. Yah, she wouldn’t be doing that again.

Before she could ask anything more, a doctor pushed open the door, walking up to her with a small smile. “Hello Sana,” she said in English with a thick Turkish accent, “I am Dr. Reis, how are you feeling now?”

_I am dying._

“Great,” she croaked out with a forceful smile. The young lady walked up to her, placing the back of a hand against her forehead, “Oh good, I was thinking you’d get a fever too.” Sana furrowed her eyebrows, “Too?”

The doctor paused before realising she probably didn’t remember anything, “Well you have been in and out of sleep for quite sometime now, and we were worried that because of the stress of your broken wrist you may have also caught a fever. But luckily you’re all fine now.” Her voice was so soothing that it almost made Sana forget the throbbing in her wrist.

“But-” Sana licked her dry lips, “Why can’t I remember anything?”

“See Sana when you fell, because of basic instincts, you brought your hand out to protect you from hitting the ground, and what happened was that the impact of your hand slamming against the ground broke this bone in your wrist,” she pointed an index finger on her other hand, tapping the spot an inch below her thumb, “Which is good. I mean, you did break a bone, but it’s better that you broke your Scaphoid, instead of your Colles, which would have been way way worse. So anyways, I’m guessing because of the sudden high amount of pain, you blacked out. But you’re lucky your friends got you here quickly so were were able to do a scan on your wrist, and figure out the situation at hand immediately.” Dr. Reis placed a hand on Vilde’s shoulder, smiling at her fondly, “This one basically carried you here from the taxi.”

Sana met Vilde’s eyes and felt her own eyes sting with tears.

She had the bestest friends in the whole fucking universe. “Thank you,” she whispered with a proud smile, getting a teary eyed nod back from Vilde. The doctor continued, “Anyways, you kept on fading in and out for a while because of the pain, so I’m not surprised you don’t have any memory of this.”

“Oh..” Sana mumbled while her vision began clearing up, “So when can I leave?” Dr. Reis passed over some papers to Vilde before turning to her, hazel eyes all bright, “Well you can leave right now if you want because I’ve already given you your pain medicines for right now, and I gave your friends the rest of prescription amount you’ll need for the next week in a bottle, but I’d recommend staying a day here. I think it would be best if I did a check for your head, ‘cause the fall may have given you a concussion.” Sana’s stomach sank a little before she nodded in dismay, “Yah I guess if you say I should, I will.”

“Good. Now get some rest,” she patted Sana’s shoulder before turning around and leaving the room. “Do not move that wrist okay?” she hollered out before the door closed.

“Well,” Chris muttered while they all pulled up seats around her bed, “At least the jam is still intact?”

                                                                                                               --

The next few hours were odd for Sana. She was simultaneously so ready to just jump up and leave the rubbing alcohol-stenched hospital because they after all only had a few days left in Turkey, yet she also wanted to curl up and die from the pain in her wrist. The doctor had given her her next dosage of the pain killers a while back, so the pain had begun to throb more and more across her hand.

At least she didn’t have any concussions, Dr. Reid had done a check up on her before she slept, and quickly said that there was nothing to worry about. So that was a relief. But lying in the cooped up hospital room was the most miserable Sana had ever been. She wasn’t able to sleep during the evening since the pain was still a little too much, even with the painkillers.

The girls had sat around her for sometime, talking to her as a distraction. Chris tried her best funny faces, while Noora narrated a story of the time when Eva had somehow broken the washing machine of their house. It worked, for a while.

But then Sana noticed something when her eyes lingered on Vilde. She seemed weirdly spaced out, as if impatient for something. If Sana had the energy she would’ve have already shouted to make her tell what the hell was going on. So instead she watched her with scowling eyes until the reason pushed through the door of her hospital room. Yousef.

Sana literally froze like a popsicle as his face came into her peripheral vision. Not because he was there, no but because of the look on his face; he looked absolutely alarmed, fearing for the worst. The normally perfect wavy hair of his was haphazardly shoved into a snapback, clothes strung on his body as if he had literally ran from his closet to the hospital. When his eyes met her, he pushed the door even more open, and strided towards the bed. He stood beside the empty spot by Vilde. The browns of his eyes scanned her body up and down until they found the injured area, his breath hitched. “Sana I-” he said almost winded, hands moving towards and away from her in confliction. Muttering ‘fuck it’ under his breath, he hesitantly placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier, but I came as soon as I heard. Oh gosh are you okay?”

It was hard to keep her heart beating at a normal rate when his voice almost cracked with conviction. Clearing her throat, she nodded slowly, “It’s totally fine, I am okay now. Don’t worry.” She prayed her voice was as monotone as she had wanted.

He pulled his backpack off, placing it on the edge of the bed. “I...made you something. It’s called sehriyeli sebze corbasi,” he paused to look at her confused expression before clearing it up, “It’s like a soup with orzo. My mamma always makes this for me when I’m not feeling well so..” he placed the container onto the side table as Sana watched him unbelievably.

He was too kind. Too amazingly good and kind. Which made Sana almost recoil when she spoke coldly. “Thank you,” she said, maintaining a blank expression. His lips twitched, realizing she was keeping her cool distance, so he took a step back. The warmth in his eyes flickered as he turned his head to the girls. “You guys must be starving too, it’s like 20:00, should I bring some food?”

For some reason all of the girls turned to Sana nervously, before Noora spoke up, “I’ll help,” she suggested, before following him out to the hospital’s cafeteria. Come to think of it Sana was hungry too. As if on cue, her stomach grumbled.

“I’m sorry,” Eva suddenly blurted out from her spot beside Sana’s bed, surprising her, “I know I shouldn’t have told him, but the guy left like eight missed calls on your phone, and I didn’t want him to be worried sick or anything. So I-I told him.” She looked up from her hands to Sana, wincing for the worst. But Sana just smiled weakly at her, nodding reassuringly, “It’s okay,” she said warmly, “Anyways he would’ve found out sooner or later.”

Maybe it was fate that brought him there, as Sana still needed to speak to him, to either fix or break things.

Taking the assistance of a kind Chris she drank some of the soup. It was delicious of course, and it actually brought back some of her energy. She noticed the condensation of the lid while Chris stirred the spoon a little before feeding her more.

Had he made it right before coming? Her stomach fluttered. Had he actually stopped what he was doing, and made soup just for her?

“Is it good?” Chris asked, bringing her out of her daze. She blinked before nodding, “Yah, it is-you guys have some too. I don’t want to be eating while you’re all starving.” Eva and Vilde smiled at her warmly before getting up from their seats. They all scooched onto the tiny bed with giggles, before each taking a sip of the soup and moaning. “Oh my god, that man can _cook_ ,” Vilde laughed out after taking another sip. Sana couldn’t help but just watch with a smile as Vilde ate.

The one who once use to count the amount of beans she ate each meal. Sana thanked god often that Vilde got help for her eating disorder. It brought to life a whole new version of her; one that was happy, confident, and just at peace.

Wait. Sana furrowed her eyebrows as a thought popped into her head. If Eva had called Yousef, who was Vilde waiting for? She brought her head back up and watched Vilde who kept on shooting glances between the door and her phone from her side. Something was up, Sana knew it.

After a few minutes Yousef and Noora walked into the room, him carrying a bundle of packaged sandwiches, and her carefully holding a tray of mugs filled with piping hot tea. “Oh hell yes..” Eva muttered before jumping off of the bed to grab one of the sandwiches.

They created this make-shift dinner table in the room. The table that had magazines and flowers on it was moved to right in front of Sana’s bed, as they all placed chairs around the outside of the table so they’d be all facing her. Chatter, small laughs, and the clinking of mugs echoed throughout the room as Sana watched from her position in the bed.

And in that moment, she couldn’t help but wonder if the picture she was seeing in front of her could become a regular thing, if her and Yousef actually did date. Would they have dinners like that? Where her best friends would all be engulfed in a conversation with him, talking about nonessential things? Would they have inside jokes, ones that even Sana wouldn’t know?

Her thoughts were broken as Sana heard Vilde say something from her left, standing up while looking at something at the door, “Elias!” she cheered, hands clapping together.

Elias.

Sana did a double take before realizing it wasn’t just the meds that made him appear in her vision.

He was there, all breathless and clearly sleep deprived.

“Elias?!” she uttered in disbelief, “W-what the? Fy faen what are you doing here?!”

But Elias didn’t move from his spot at the door, didn’t move an inch. He wasn’t looking at her, he wasn’t looking at the girls, but at Yousef. She followed his gaze only to feel her stomach drop when she saw Yousef’s pale face, hand frozen mid air. He placed his mug down onto the table, mouth opening and closing.

Then something hit him as he snapped his head to look at Sana with wide distressed eyes, before moving his gaze between her and her brother. What was happening? Sana turned her head to the door to meet Elias’ gaze. “Elias what..” she never got to finish her sentence as he stepped into the room fully, knuckles whitening while fisting the handle of his luggage. He looked angry. No not the -Sana you took the last Briouats- type anger. He was enraged, veins bulging out of his neck.

What was odd was that for some reason he wasn’t directing his violent gaze towards her, but at Yousef. “You..” he paused, pointing a shaky finger towards the boy who was sitting still as a statue at the table, “You’re Yousef Acar aren’t you?”

Yousef didn’t answer his question rather, quite dreadfully, and with a frightening amount of emotionlessness stated, “And you’re Even’s friend, aren’t you.”

And it hit her.

                                                                                                               --

_“He was from Turkey.”_

_\--_

_“We were like this gang of best friends. That's how I met him.”_

_\--_

_“It was my fault.”_

_\--_

_“I ruined it all. I-I should haven’t made him uncomfortable.”_

_\--_

_“I wasn’t in a good place. I could have prevented it.”_

_\--_

_“Has he told you..about him?”_

_“No. But I can wait. I am willing to take things minute by minute...for Even.”_

_\--_

_“Sana promise me you’ll never do what I did. Don’t isolate yourself. Afterall, people do need people.”_

_\--_

_“Even will tell you his name when he’s ready okay? Stop nagging me! Mamma will notice something's off!”_

                                                                                                               --

She somehow felt like she was tumbling down a tunnel, while also being crushed against a wall, dizzying her brain. Because how oblivious could she have been? The signs had all been there. It was like a bright light had been shining in her face but all she had been seeing was the tube illuminating the glow.

As if knowing, Yousef turned his head, eyes catching her’s. It was almost too painful the way he pleadingly watched her.

And the words came out of her, like she needed her own verbal confirmation to make it true. She made a feeble noise, before whispering, “You’re the guy. Aren’t you?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> Sorry. 
> 
> My writing mode has been very odd, and has been popping up at the weirdest times (like 2 in the morning) so please don't be surprised if I take a while to write the next chapter (or maybe I'll update in two days idk or I again it may take long because Game of Thrones is on, sooo)  
> Idk what i'm doing bringing all this damm angst into my life, but ehh I love it lol.
> 
> And don't worry, unlike Julie I will actually answer things in this lol.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, do comment down below. I love knowing how people feel about a certain piece.  
> And if you want, you can find me on my Tumblr @Thesuncameouttoday  
> Thank you for reading, and hope you have a lovely day or night! <33


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